Winter's Bleak Beauty

I realize that as my last writing was in February, I have once again let the busyness of life get the best of my good intentions. I wonder sometimes if I keep my life so busy on purpose. Is that what keeps the sadness at bay? I wonder. I know I keep saying I want to do things differently, to have more time, more space...but when space appears, I immediately fill it up with something else. Something for me to reflect on I guess.

2011 is all but gone and was a year that saw some healing, finally. It’s been such a rocky road the past few years, but in looking back, I think I can say that for every bad day there was a good one this past year. That is an accomplishment, and hopefully the start of a better balance of days yet to come. And 2011 had some remarkable moments...lots of them in fact! A West-Coast House Concert Tour, 2 trips to Boston to share my music as part of leadership trainings, a return to California for the 25^th Annual Bridge School Benefit Concert among the highlights...but today, I just want to focus on this day, and hope that as I make time for writing in my life, I can touch on some of those things later.

It’s been a funny fall....long and mild and very un-Manitoba like! There is a strong chance that we will be having a ‘brown Christmas’, there is so little snow around. It lays just a few inches deep in the valleys, and in the woods and on the hills there is nothing at all. Though the lack of snow and the dead fall colours leave things looking rather bleak, there is nothing bleak about either the sunrises or the sunsets we’ve been witnessing this year. They have been nothing less than breathtaking!

Sunrise as viewed from the yard, Nov 2011

I just came in from the most amazing walk. Among the things that have happened over the past several months, I have managed to make my own health a priority again. That has included daily walks...and although with the onset of winter they aren’t happening every day right now, I am still managing the recommended three times per week.

Today was exceptional! Here it is, December 16^th, and we’re experiencing temperatures of only -2. Typically my walks are centered on doing circles around my driveway. It’s about 4.5 minutes per circle, and I aim for 45 minutes a day. But today, instead, I ventured south of the yard. The remarkable fall we’ve had has resulted in very little snow for this time of year. As a result, I was able to spend an hour walking back through the pasture and woodlands behind the house. The day was beautiful...sunny and mild. Last night we had just the lightest dusting of snow, and the sparkling reflection of the sun off of it was almost blinding.

I walked for an hour. With the snow being so fresh, I could see the tracks of the dozens of other creatures that share this quarter section of land with me. Some tracks I recognize, the deer, the rabbits. But lots I don’t. I thought of my Grandpa. He’d have known each and every one of them, just like he knew every tree, every wild flower, every bird. As I walked in the stillness of the winter day, I remembered his love of snowshoeing. Even into his 80s he would go out daily for the exercise, the fresh air, and most likely the time with nature that I was enjoying today. It’s funny how our people keep coming back to us at the strangest times. Especially those people who were such brilliant threads in the fabric of our lives. He was like that. The wisdom he shared, the lessons he taught, and the values he held all made you want to be a better person as part of his linage. What a treasure his memory still is.

My Grandpa, Allan James Dickson in his snowshoes (my Dad in the sleigh)
1933 in front of the Ladysmith School

As I walked today, I marveled at the silence. Except for the odd flock of birds whirring past in search of another source of food and the soft whistle of the warm wind, there was nothing. I did hear an eagle, although I didn’t see him, I recognized the call. I know there are several of them around. We’ve watched them feasting on the remains of the deer that didn’t survive hunting season, the ones that were wounded and left or butchered on the spot so the best cuts could be taken and the rest left behind. I know to everything there is a season, but those things just make me angry...and sad! I suppose it is that lack of responsibility on the part of the humans that allowed the eagles to eat for another period of time, so maybe its part of how the cycle is meant to go, I don’t know.

'Cecil's Eagle' photographed behind the cattle pens 4 years ago

For all the fresh tracks around, I half expected to see some sort of wildlife, but the crunching of the snow probably gave them lots of warning that I was coming. They were most likely watching me as I was watching for them! But even so, it was perfect! It allowed me to breathe deeply, centre myself and just be in the moment....what more can you ask of the place you call home.

The stillness of the escarpment in winter......

Till next time,
Lynda
www.musicwriter.ca

The 24th Annual Bridge School Benefit

It’s been almost five months since I sat down and dedicated the time necessary to update my journal. I don’t know where the time is going to. Every week, at the top of my list of things to do, I write “WRITE”…update blog, work on Shane’s story, pen some tunes…just write!! Somehow it’s been hard to get to, I don’t know why. But it’s time.


Last week I heard that Neil Young will receive the 2011 Allan Waters Humanitarian Award at the Juno Awards on March 27. I decided with that, that I need to dedicate this entry to our trip last October to Mountainview, California.


I’ve mentioned in other posting that at the time of my son Shane’s passing, we’d been saving for him to take a trip in his last year of high school to go to San Francisco to explore the Bridge School and to take in the Bridge School Benefit concert. I won’t repeat the details about the school, that I know I’ve written about before, but you can go to http://www.bridgeschool.org/ if you want to learn more. When he passed away, we turned the money he’d been saving into the “Shane Dickson Memorial Award” and carried on. But last October 15th, I was out doing my morning walk, and for some reason remembered the concert and that it must be happening soon. When I finished my walk, I went and checked, and sure enough it was to take place on October 23rd and 24th. My mind started ticking.


When Cecil came in later that day we talked it over and decided that we had the Airmiles to get us to San Francisco, and we both still really wanted to attend and support the cause in Shane’s memory, so we purchased two tickets online, and packed our bags!


It was a quick trip, only 4 days, because the decision was made very last minute. There were other commitments that needed to be considered, and promises that had been made, but 4 days was enough to get this off my own life’s bucket list.


We flew into San Francisco Friday morning, rented a car and headed to Santa Cruz, California. As always, we look to be close to the water when we vacation, and Santa Cruz seemed to be close enough to all we wanted to take in, while still putting us on the ocean’s doorstep. It was the perfect choice, as we spent Friday and Saturday taking in the Boardwalk with all it had to offer, the Annual Chili Cookoff, The Cold water Classic Surfing competition, and the treasures on the town’s pier. It was like we’d jammed a weeks’ worth of vacationing into those few hours.

Lighthouse veiw at Santa Cruz, California

Sunday morning we headed back to Mountainview, to the Shoreline Amphitheatre to pick up our tickets and enjoy the concert that had been a heart’s desire for so long. The weather didn’t look like it wanted to cooperate, but the show goes on rain or shine, so we’d come prepared for whatever happened. We learned a few things too! Like there’s no point running around town to buy lawn chairs, because if they’re over 10 inches off the ground, they can’t be used at the amphitheatre anyhow! So, sadly, our newly purchased chairs got left behind, but we were able to rent the proper ones right on sight. We’d arrived early, not sure about how things worked, but that naivety allowed us to get some excellent seating once we got through the gates and into the show!

When the concert started, I felt the tears well up in my eyes, and the familiar tightening in my chest that always accompanies events that my heart says should have happened with Shane rather than without him. This had been his trip, his adventure, but instead there we were. For a few moments emotions got the best of me, as I watched them bring out all the children who benefit from the school, and alumni who had attended in the past, including Neil and Pegi’s son Ben for whom they had created Bridge School for initially, back in 1987. As I looked skyward to try and still the flow of tears, and eagle soared overhead. I was reminded Shane wasn’t so far away after all.

The concert was nothing less than amazing! Merle Haggard was ill and unable to attend, but we did enjoy almost 8 hours of acoustic performances including Kris Kristofferson, Pearl Jam and other’s I myself had never heard of, but it was obvious many other attendees had! The Speaking Clock Review was incredible as Elton John and Leon Russell introduced their collaboration, but the highlight had to have been listening to Buffalo Springfield in their first public performance in 42 years! You wouldn’t think they had missed a night of playing together! It was powerful! It felt so surreal to be a part of it all, and the ‘once in a lifetime’ trip to attend has us now thinking…maybe we’ll do it again!

Of Course, my very favorite part!!!

The next day we had one day to spend in San Francisco before heading home. Our thought had been to take in Alcatraz when we were there..but believe it or not, by 10am on a Monday in October all tours for the day were already sold out! Where do the people come from I’d wondered! Unable to do that, we instead wandered along Fisherman’s Wharf, and enjoyed the local fair.

Sea Lions who have made their home on Fisherman's Wharf.

The day was going well, up until I got a call from a friend I’ve yet to meet, to tell me her son Owen had passed away. Owen had captured my heart the year before after seeing him on television. He was like a younger version of Shane…only with beautiful, wildly curly hair. Having the chance to someday meet him had also been on my list of things to one day do, but sadly that’s one that can’t happen. The call reminded me once again how quickly tides can turn, and how fragile life can be, and my heart ached for my friend, knowing too well the journey she was about to embark on. I still think of them both so often these days.

We did finish off our day in San Francisco however. The following morning, we headed back home, and twenty four hours later, it was like a dream! But oh what a dream it was! Who knows…the 25th Annual Bridge School Benefit Concert may be on this fall’s agenda yet!

till next time!

Lynda

www.musicwriter.ca

Appreciating Home.....all the beauty here in Lavenham....

The view from the escarpment, overlooking the Assiniboine River

It’s a beautiful fall day here, September 12, 2010, and I just returned from my walk up to the ‘escarpment’, as I do every September 12, and have since 2001, the day after 9/11.
At that time, in 2001, September 12 was five months after the passing of my first husband Greg, 2 days before what would have been his 55th birthday, and 24 hours after the world changed forever. In those days, I did the trek up to the escarpment daily. It had become my routine in the final months of Greg’s battle with cancer, when most nights were just plain bad, and most mornings that walk was required to gather my strength and my spirit for the day ahead, and remind myself there was still beauty in the world that was so marred by chemo and heartache. It was a very hard time. In looking back, I know I was the lucky one, as I had the strength and the health to make that walk daily. I continued those morning walks long after his passing, as I walked through the grief.

How many colors in one picture from my bench.

Standing up there on September 12, of 2001, I will always remember looking out at the beauty of that view, and thinking of all those in New York, scrambling to make sense of the world in the aftermath of the day before. That memory has stayed with me to this day, and each year at this time I go back up there, just to remind myself once again, how safe and peaceful and blessed my life is. In working through the Artist’s Way, one of my tasks this week was to go to a sacred space, and I realized as I sat there today, that is my sacred space. The gentle caress of the breeze, the scent of the sun warmed bark and leaves, the silence and the majesty. I was reminded one more time of how fortunate I am.

One of millions of Monarchs this summer, on the lilacs in July

I have been thinking a lot of where I was last year at this time, and the change that a year has made. Last year, I was wrapping up my final days of work before starting a six month sabbatical to find out who Lynda was after Shane’s death. I was packing boxes, changing addresses, pacing the floor in anxious anticipation of getting away from this place I called home. I needed to leave, and I couldn’t get away fast enough. My sight was on Salt Spring Island, and my heart was already there, waiting for my body to catch up.

A bee on a flower I can not name I'm afraid!

This year, I can’t even imagine being anywhere but home. It’s been very strange to say the least. Daily, I take may walks and drink in the sights and sounds around me, just feeling so glad to be here, where I am, doing what I’m doing. A few weeks after I got going on my morning walks here at home, I asked myself why it was that I never left home without my camera on the island, yet hadn’t taken it with me once since returning home. So, I grabbed it the following morning, and started seeing, for maybe the first time in a long time, the beauty and the magic that is right here in the hills of Lavenham.

A canola field near Lavenham, with flax blooming in the background.

My morning walks are normally supposed to be a 45 minute hike to get my heart pumping and my metabolism up for the day, but instead they became what often turned into an hour and a half long artists date, as my interest was captured by butterflies, dragonflies and flowers, in a landscape that seemed to change colors and schemes almost daily. I became a visitor in my own back yard, finally realizing all that there is right here within a mile of my home.

Sunset from my back deck

Common insects became my models. Weeds in flower showed the beauty nature can produce without the hand of man interfering. Wildflowers blossomed, each in their own time, and captured my eye and attention.

One of the many amazing butterflies that allowed me

to photograph them this summer



It’s made for a remarkable summer, as each morning has become my own little artists date between my camera and the nature around me. It’s been really good for my spirit and my soul, and home is truly home again.

A pink ladyslipper that bloomed near the Rossendale Cemetery this July.

I’ve had so much fun taking pictures this summer, and just losing myself in the pursuit of the nature I’m trying to photograph. I should mention though, that about a month ago, I had to give up my normal walking route. A bear has made himself at home in our neighborhood, and although everyone says he’d be more afraid of me than I of him, there have been reports of rather peculiar behavior from him, so I’ve decided although my walk is going well….my run really, truly sucks…so for now I continue my walks making laps around my circle driveway. Amazingly, there’s lots to see right here at home, and no bear to hamper my relaxation.

Another butterfly on wild mustard....

think I need to get a butterfly book!

As walking is one of the times that seems to fire up the neurons in my brain the best, I find some of my best thinking happens on those walks. A couple of weeks ago I purchased a tiny little digital recorder for myself, so as thoughts, to-dos, songs, memories pop into my brain, I can immediately record them to refer back to later in the day. So if you find yourself touring around Lavenham one of these fine days, you’ll recognize me….I’m the woman walking in circles, talking to myself…but I’m enjoying every minute of it.

Sunset along the trans-Canada highway

So many people have asked if we’re taking off again to the Island this winter, but strangely, I have no desire at all right now. Something about the time away last year reminded me of all that is here, all that I have. Maybe coming home to Mom’s illness and loss had something to do with that as well, as I was catapulted back into my home community…drawing on the strength and support that family and friends provided. Recognizing that I don’t think I could have gotten that anywhere else in this world, because this is where my people are.

A dragonfly along Ladysmith Road.

Maybe it was my trip to Lavenham , England in February, where every single person remarked on how very lucky we were to live here with the space and the room that we have to live and grow. Bottom line is, I have no idea why I feel so settled this year, I only know that I’m glad that I do. I’m even looking forward to the coming of winter, building a big fire in the field stone fireplace, curling up with a good book in the comfort of Shane’s chair, watching the world go by through the living room window. Just being at home, and soaking in all that that means.

A dragonfly at the Brandon Discovery Centre in August 2010




Butterfly on my driveway

One of many beautiful Swallowtails



A weedy flower in it's glory!

A bug I thought was just beautiful, but I think now it's the

Dreaded Ash Beetle that is invading Manitoba...still it is pretty!

One of so many bluebirds I saw on my walks this summer. I wonder what they are a sign of?
I like to believe that they are a message from those I have lost telling me that all is well... all is as it should be, not to worry, just be happy.

Till next time,
Lynda

www.musicwriter.ca

Milestones and McGregor Camp

Well, July has come and gone, and a lot of really wonderful things happened. We had the last of the kids get married as our son tied the knot at a beautiful ceremony at Belle Acre’s Golf Course north of Winnipeg. We were able to spend time at the lake with friends, venturing out to Sportsman’s corner at Westbourne, and Delta north of Portage. We even tried golf for ourselves for the first time, although people are telling me that shooting 100 on a par 39 course is not the same as getting 100%...I still had fun! I’ve decided that it’s not one of my strengths, but is still a great way to put in a summer morning! There were a couple of other really notable things that happened in July I want to share as well.

Me 50 years ago!

That’s me! Can’t believe I reached the day…the big 5-0….wow, it’s been something to wrap my head around. Although looking at the picture of me 50 years ago, not that much has changed I guess. Still have short fingers, chubby arms and still have that smile (although today it’s fortunately still equipped with a full set of teeth!). Wow…fifty years. Who’d have ever thought…we the children of lead painted cribs, and cars with no baby seats…we made it in spite of everything that is considered to be so unthinkable in today’s world!
It was kind of a hard day, and was a bittersweet milestone. Knowing that there are more years behind then are likely to lie ahead, thinking of all those that aren’t here to celebrate this day, reminiscing of those that didn’t get to make this leg of the journey. There were lots of mixed emotions to be sure, but upon returning home from a birthday lunch in Treherne, I was greeted by a surprise party and all my family and friends. Suddenly the sadness of what’s been lost was overridden with the appreciation for all that I have, and it was a marvelous day of celebration with the people that matter most in my world!

The beautiful birthday cake designed by my daughter Bianca

July offered another opportunity for which I’m still on an adrenalin high from. It started with an email I received back in December from Faye Mc Gregor in Switzerland, asking how she would go about getting several copies of my most recent CD. She also wondered if I’d be available to come out to Lake of the Woods to perform at the first McGregor Leadership Camp that she and her husband Mark were going to be hosting there come July. I’ve known Mark and Faye since high school, and was thrilled that they’d think of me for this opportunity! I was honored.

Our Hosts, Mark and Faye McGregor

Mark and Faye are one of those amazing couples that seem to have accomplished so much in their lifetime together! They’ve taken the lessons learned in pursuing their own goals and passions, and have turned them into a career focusing on leadership trainings that have taken them around the world, opening doors and changing the lives of the people that come to the sessions.

At home in the cottage

Although Mark is the front man, a former professional hockey player, coach and manager, he has taken his message to the public forums that have supported him to become one of the most popular management-trainers, coaches and keynote-speakers on an international level, there is no question that it is a family team effort that has enabled so much success. (for more about Mark’s offerings go to http://www.markmcgregor.ch/1_frameset_eng/frameset_eng.htm )

Explaining the activity to be accomplished during

July 201o's McGregor Leadership Camp

One of their family dreams had been to finally have their own place to hold the leadership camps and trainings, and McGregor Camp on beautiful Lake of the Woods was the summation of that dream!

So on July 8th, my wonderful friend Dixie accompanied me as I headed off towards Kenora for a evening of friendship and singing. The first McGregor Leadership camp involved 5 remarkable people from Germany and the Czech Republic, who had come so far to focus on developing their leadership skills, and enhance the quality of their personal lives through the tools and lessons that Mark shared with them. We also got to meet another terrific couple from a little closer to home who share my passions for writing and photography, so there was never an end to great conversation! My participation for the evening was to perform a house concert to entertain their guests for the week, and give them a bit of a change up from the work that they focused on during their days. At the last minute, during our phone conversation earlier that week, Mark had thrown something out about a sing-a-long…so not knowing what to expect, we went prepared for the unexpected! I put together some songbooks of songs that I hoped even folks from across the big pond may have been familiar with, and Dixie and I stopped at the Dollar store on our way through Portage to stock up on tambourines and other assorted percussion instruments, so that even if the singing didn’t work, everyone could participate!

McGregor Leadership Camp on Beautiful Lake of the Woods

Upon arrival I realized that the cottage at the centre of my vision board was not in fact on Falcon Lake, but right in front of me! They’ve built a beautiful place there, that seconds as a learning camp, as they’ve developed a second building on the site into a center that has a large seminar room for trainings, an exercise facility for down time, and even a space for massages or experiencing the yoga that Faye teaches. They really offered a little bit of everything to those that attended!

Off to explore Lake of the Woods with our new aquaintances!

Shortly after arriving, we were all treated to a boat ride to explore a bit of Lake of the Woods, heading out from the sheltered bay that their camp inhabits. It was beautiful! The night was perfect, and the company was wonderful!

Dixie and I enjoying our evening boat ride.

The view of the Lake from the boat dock at McGregor Camp.

Upon returning from our ride, we were treated to an amazing dinner prepared by our hostess with the help of her Mom and her friend, shared a glass or two of wine, then moved into the veranda to share an evening of music. With Dixie as my supporting manager, I shared an hour of my music, and then we switched up the evening into a campfire sing-a-long (without the campfire, or the bugs…but the sensation was the same!)

Dixie and I with our host and friend, Leadership trainer Mark McGregor.

It was one of those evenings that absolutely filled my spirit with joy, a feeling I haven’t been getting enough of in the past many months. It was a very welcome reprieve! It was a wonderful evening for me, and I think everyone else enjoyed it as well. Mark ensured that the attendees all received a copy of my CD, so that my music has now had the opportunity to spread a little further…and I’ve ended up with a great new circle of people, many of whom I’ve remained in contact with since!

Evening House Concert and Sing-A-Long

One of the most amazing things about the night was Mark’s suggestion that he and I collaborate together on putting together a collection of presentations to take out to educators and various other community and business sectors here closer to home, combining his expertise and my music. It was as if he’d reached into my mind and picked out the idea that had drawn me home from Salt Spring Island all those months ago…the notion, or rather the knowledge, that I need to find a way to keep sharing the story, and the message and the lessons learned! That opportunity to perform has led to so many possibilities, that my head is still spinning…but in a very, good way! I’m thrilled about the potential, and excited about it every day. That is such a wonderful place to be each morning, especially after the pain of the past many months. I feel like my stars are aligning, and life really is very good! I’ll keep you all posted!

Lake of the Woods sunset from McGregor Camp deck

Till next time!

Lynda

http://www.musicwriter.ca/