Give the Gift of Dreams!

(link below)

Give the Gift of Dreams!

Sunshine Dreams for Kids supported Shane to have his Whale Watching trip in 2004, and it was a memory that created deep relationships and lifelong memories for all of us. I decided last summer to become a Sunshine dream for Kids Volunteer, in hopes of repaying some of the joy that we as a family had been given through their hard work and efforts. As our Manitoba chapter is very small, this web opportunity looked like the perfect way to support raising some funds and awareness of this wonderful organization, and to help me to give back to something that gave us so much!

Please take a moment to check out the link, and consider giving....Sunshine supports not only children who have life threatening illnesses, but also those children and their families who struggle with long term sickness and disabilities, among other wonderful things. Although they are celebrating their 25th year, they are not well known in Western Canada, and the hope is to change that!

Although this campaign was initiated to work over the holiday season to raise funds, I decided to make it my focus in January, when Shane would have celebrated his 20th birthday! As with so much, I do this in honor and in memory of him!

Thanks as always for your consideration!

The 24th Annual Bridge School Benefit

It’s been almost five months since I sat down and dedicated the time necessary to update my journal. I don’t know where the time is going to. Every week, at the top of my list of things to do, I write “WRITE”…update blog, work on Shane’s story, pen some tunes…just write!! Somehow it’s been hard to get to, I don’t know why. But it’s time.


Last week I heard that Neil Young will receive the 2011 Allan Waters Humanitarian Award at the Juno Awards on March 27. I decided with that, that I need to dedicate this entry to our trip last October to Mountainview, California.


I’ve mentioned in other posting that at the time of my son Shane’s passing, we’d been saving for him to take a trip in his last year of high school to go to San Francisco to explore the Bridge School and to take in the Bridge School Benefit concert. I won’t repeat the details about the school, that I know I’ve written about before, but you can go to http://www.bridgeschool.org/ if you want to learn more. When he passed away, we turned the money he’d been saving into the “Shane Dickson Memorial Award” and carried on. But last October 15th, I was out doing my morning walk, and for some reason remembered the concert and that it must be happening soon. When I finished my walk, I went and checked, and sure enough it was to take place on October 23rd and 24th. My mind started ticking.


When Cecil came in later that day we talked it over and decided that we had the Airmiles to get us to San Francisco, and we both still really wanted to attend and support the cause in Shane’s memory, so we purchased two tickets online, and packed our bags!


It was a quick trip, only 4 days, because the decision was made very last minute. There were other commitments that needed to be considered, and promises that had been made, but 4 days was enough to get this off my own life’s bucket list.


We flew into San Francisco Friday morning, rented a car and headed to Santa Cruz, California. As always, we look to be close to the water when we vacation, and Santa Cruz seemed to be close enough to all we wanted to take in, while still putting us on the ocean’s doorstep. It was the perfect choice, as we spent Friday and Saturday taking in the Boardwalk with all it had to offer, the Annual Chili Cookoff, The Cold water Classic Surfing competition, and the treasures on the town’s pier. It was like we’d jammed a weeks’ worth of vacationing into those few hours.

Lighthouse veiw at Santa Cruz, California

Sunday morning we headed back to Mountainview, to the Shoreline Amphitheatre to pick up our tickets and enjoy the concert that had been a heart’s desire for so long. The weather didn’t look like it wanted to cooperate, but the show goes on rain or shine, so we’d come prepared for whatever happened. We learned a few things too! Like there’s no point running around town to buy lawn chairs, because if they’re over 10 inches off the ground, they can’t be used at the amphitheatre anyhow! So, sadly, our newly purchased chairs got left behind, but we were able to rent the proper ones right on sight. We’d arrived early, not sure about how things worked, but that naivety allowed us to get some excellent seating once we got through the gates and into the show!

When the concert started, I felt the tears well up in my eyes, and the familiar tightening in my chest that always accompanies events that my heart says should have happened with Shane rather than without him. This had been his trip, his adventure, but instead there we were. For a few moments emotions got the best of me, as I watched them bring out all the children who benefit from the school, and alumni who had attended in the past, including Neil and Pegi’s son Ben for whom they had created Bridge School for initially, back in 1987. As I looked skyward to try and still the flow of tears, and eagle soared overhead. I was reminded Shane wasn’t so far away after all.

The concert was nothing less than amazing! Merle Haggard was ill and unable to attend, but we did enjoy almost 8 hours of acoustic performances including Kris Kristofferson, Pearl Jam and other’s I myself had never heard of, but it was obvious many other attendees had! The Speaking Clock Review was incredible as Elton John and Leon Russell introduced their collaboration, but the highlight had to have been listening to Buffalo Springfield in their first public performance in 42 years! You wouldn’t think they had missed a night of playing together! It was powerful! It felt so surreal to be a part of it all, and the ‘once in a lifetime’ trip to attend has us now thinking…maybe we’ll do it again!

Of Course, my very favorite part!!!

The next day we had one day to spend in San Francisco before heading home. Our thought had been to take in Alcatraz when we were there..but believe it or not, by 10am on a Monday in October all tours for the day were already sold out! Where do the people come from I’d wondered! Unable to do that, we instead wandered along Fisherman’s Wharf, and enjoyed the local fair.

Sea Lions who have made their home on Fisherman's Wharf.

The day was going well, up until I got a call from a friend I’ve yet to meet, to tell me her son Owen had passed away. Owen had captured my heart the year before after seeing him on television. He was like a younger version of Shane…only with beautiful, wildly curly hair. Having the chance to someday meet him had also been on my list of things to one day do, but sadly that’s one that can’t happen. The call reminded me once again how quickly tides can turn, and how fragile life can be, and my heart ached for my friend, knowing too well the journey she was about to embark on. I still think of them both so often these days.

We did finish off our day in San Francisco however. The following morning, we headed back home, and twenty four hours later, it was like a dream! But oh what a dream it was! Who knows…the 25th Annual Bridge School Benefit Concert may be on this fall’s agenda yet!

till next time!

Lynda

www.musicwriter.ca

MacGregor Collegiate Class of 2010 Graduation

Memorial Inukshuks made by Sheila Kornago of Winnipeg

Wow, here we are on August eve, 2010. We are half way through the short summers we enjoy here on the prairies, and already some morning walks have the kiss of fall.

I have so many things I want to write about, and so little time to capture my thoughts these days it seems. But there are things that I should have documented earlier, and didn’t get around to, and today I wanted to share some of those.

June 24 was MacGregor Collegiate Institute graduation for the class of 2010. It will go down in history as one of the hardest, hardest days I will ever endure. It was the day that Shane should have graduated with his peers. It was a day I’d long dreamed of, seeing him sitting up there on the stage amongst them. IT was a day that never came for him….but it did for me, and I hope that because of that, he was there, he was in the room and on the stage and in the hearts of all that graduated with him. The school and graduates invited us to be part of all that went on that day, and it was an honor to be included.

I’d been racking my brain since last summer about how to pay tribute to these amazing young people, who had had such significant roles in the life he was able to live. I didn’t want the day to slip by without somehow acknowledging the contributions that each of them had made, and finally, weeks before the day, it came to me. I was sitting at my desk, puzzling yet again, and I looked up at the beautiful glass Inukshuk that proudly sits at the edge of the shelf, watching over me. Of course!! Inukshuks are so symbolic of what I wanted to say…’someone passed this way’….I emailed Sheila Kornago of Stained Glass by Sheila and asked if it were possible to have 52 of them made in the 5 weeks between my thinking of them and the graduation. She said she certainly could, and my dilemma was solved.

I’d also been discussing my dilemma with my sister and my brother in law, who is very involved in the construction of the new Canadian Museum for Human Rights. They decided to also contribute a museum pin to each of Shane’s classmates, so appropriate.

Canadian Museum for Human Rights Commerative Shine pin.

I was lucky also, that as I annually present the Shane Dickson Memorial award for Inclusion, that the staff at MCI gave me the time and support needed to present the gifts and address Shane’s classmates. The address went as follows:

“As you can imagine, today is probably one of the toughest days I will face, and even though it saddens me not to see Shane sitting there amongst you on this special occasion, I know he is standing here beside me with his arm around my shoulder….propping me up, cheering you on, and hooting with pride for all of you, his fellow classmates! I too am so proud to have been given the opportunity to address this very, very special class as you head out into your new lives. You leave here a class of students, but you’re already a class of citizens who has changed rules and boundaries through your actions and acceptance of a young man, who was fortunate enough to have had the opportunity to be educated along side of you.
I hope each of you leave this stage of your lives knowing the difference you have made in countless lives, most of which we may never know of. When you started school 13 years ago, alongside a child who did everything differently, you showed how very little differences truly matter. I know that there were people that questioned Shane being supported to be educated alongside children who didn’t face the monumental challenges he did, and I have anonymous letters to prove that. However, your supports and friendships gave him what he needed to live life fully, and you gave this Mom’s dreams for her son wings to fly. I don’t know how many of you know this, but the example you all set and the experience you provided for Shane has been shared around the world. It even became part of the department of education’s paper to present at last year’s Inclusion Summit in Spain. And every day, it continues to give hope to parents of other children with special needs, as they start their unique journey. I am so proud of and grateful to each of you.
To recognize your accomplishment, I have a small gift for each of you that I will hand out as you pass me after receiving your diploma. It includes a inukshuk that I hope you will find a place for in your lives ahead. Inukshuk means “stone man that points the way” Their purpose was to show directions and guide the way. They stand as a symbol of the importance of friendship and to remind us of our dependence on one another. I hope it will remind you of the valued piece you played in pointing the way towards full inclusion for a fellow classmate.
Shane’s aunt and uncle, have also provided each of you with a ‘Shine’ pin from the Canadian Museum for Human Rights. The verse says “there is a star born in each of us when we open our minds to let in the light. When we brighten a darkened path. When we see our reflection in each other. We Shine.” You have shone brightly, each and every one of you. I hope you always continue to do so.”

Of course, part of the day involved presenting the award. I’ve left it up to the staff at MCI to decide who merits it. When Shane was there, and I was actively involved I may have been more able to suggest, but now I feel they are the ones that must decide. I was so happy this year when they chose Trem Cleaver! Trem had been best friends with Shane since they were 4 years old, and I believe he is such a big part of Shane having been accepted as one of the gang. His acceptance of Shane for who was encouraged others to do the same, and I know it made a huge difference in everything Shane got to experience. I felt absolutely no guilt in handing that award to Shane’s best friend, as I know he will continue to live his life making differences for others, just as he did for Shane.

Trem and I, Graduation, June 24, 2010

I got a text from Trem a few weeks ago, wanting to talk to me. He wondered if it was okay with me that he planned to get a tattoo, his first, and he wanted it to be Shane’s initials and the years of his life. Wow…what could I say, but of course? Shane would be thrilled, and my eyes teared knowing that throughout all of Trem’s years, questions will be asked about what that tattoo means, and Shane will be remembered and shared as he tells people. What a great tribute. How times have changed….100 years ago he may have lived and died and been buried in an unmarked grave, because children with his needs were viewed and valued differently. Today his life is celebrated on his best friend’s ribs, and in the memories of all that knew him. Things are definitely better.

Trem's fresh tattoo in memory of his friend, Shane Dickson

Till next time,
Lynda
http://www.musicwriter.ca/

Reflections.....

During our recent trip to Scotland, I was able to capture a lot of amazing reflections in the lakes and ponds we visited as part of a tour we took. Those images seemed to be fitting for all the reflecting I find myself doing these days. Reflections on loss, on change, on little miracles that have happened over the past several months, on what it all means….

It’s been exactly one year now since Shane left us. In many ways it feels like it’s been the longest year of my life…in others, the time has passed remarkably fast. I find it almost unbelievable that a year has passed since I turned off that light, and a mere twenty minutes later I turned it back on to find that he’d slipped away on me. That memory feels like it was yesterday, and often on the cusp of sleep, it sneaks back into my thoughts, haunting my dreams. That will forever remain the worst moment of my life. That it was a year ago…that seems impossible…

I’ve also been doing a lot of reflecting on the choices I’ve made to get me through the last year of grieving. Coming out to Salt Spring Island still feels like it was the right choice for me. Taking time away from my routine and life at home feels like it too was right. This strange period of down time has allowed me to sit back and take in so many things that I likely would have missed in my normal, everyday business. That opportunity to be aware of what’s happening around me has brought me my whales, my eagles, my hummingbirds, my roses in winter…all those gifts that nature has offered to keep me looking forward and upward. I hope that my return to my ‘real’ world will allow time and space to continue that connection in my own beautiful corner. I hope that all of this will allow me to continue to feel ‘okay’ when I get back to my own home and world.

I’ve been reflecting on who I am now. So many years of my identity were tied up in being Shane’s Mom. The void has left me searching for who Lynda is now, and I don’t think I yet have that answer, but know that whoever she is, a big part of that person is because of having been Shane’s Mom. I carry his lessons and gifts with me daily. I always will, and continue to give him credit for who I am.

Gradually, over the last several months, I’ve once again been able to see traces of Lynda when I look in the mirror. For so long the person looking back had such sadness and loss in her expression, and such sorrow in her eyes, she was often unrecognizable to me. Now, sometimes, the face looking back shows small traces of joy and happiness. I hope those glimpses continue to expand into what might one day become the ordinary again, rather than the exception. But will that be the norm? I don’t’ know, I don’t know what normal is anymore…normal keeps changing on me. ..maybe that’s the problem. I look back over the past twelve months, and try to figure out if I feel less ‘broken’…because in the days following Shane’s death, I can only say that I felt like I had shattered into a million tiny pieces. I don’t know if I still feel that broken…I don’t think I do…I think I’ve started to put those pieces of myself back together, but will I ever feel ‘whole’ again….I don’t honestly believe that I will…. Shane made me whole, and if he’s not here, how can I be? I am simply a different, glued together version of the me that was complete because of him.

But I am ok…that’s far from perfect, but the best I can claim these days…and that’s okay. None of this has been accomplished alone. Even though I ‘ran away from home’…home followed right behind me in the calls, emails and letters that have continued to lift me when the days have been darkest.

. I’ve come to realize that for whatever unfortunate events have darkened my days, I’m still a very, very lucky woman in the family I have and the circle that embraces me. I am here…..and Shane? Well, he’s right here beside me, blessing my days, bring magic to my experiences, and supporting me to keep moving forward through the darkness of his loss towards the light on the other side.

Till next time,

Lynda

www.musicwriter.ca