What would we do without friends...

This last couple of weeks have been so terribly heartbreaking, but at another level, they have also been strangely renewing for the values and beliefs that I hold so dearly. I don't know where I would have been, or would be now for that matter, were it not for the people and relationships in my life. I can't even imagine what this would have been like to walk through without all the calls, visits, notes and emails, that still pop up daily just to say 'I'm thinking of you'. It's been what's pulled me through, and continues to help me get up each morning.

Take this beautiful, beautiful picture that was adjusted and adorned with one of Maya Angelou's quotes, then posted for me. It's these thoughtful little gestures and reminders from the people who's lives we've touch and who have in turn touched ours, that makes every new day possible.
And it's not just the friends that we see on a regular basis that so amaze me...it's the friends that have reached out across time and miles....people who touched my life a million years ago and have connected to say 'I'm still here for you' , and people who only know me through the cyberworld, but who've made the effort to say "I care"...it all matters so very much right now.

I actually waded back into the world of my work life this week, only for two days, in a very closed session...so that I was surrounded and supported by 'my people', but not overwhelmed with what my heart couldn't handle. It was good to get outside of my little box for a couple of days, but very good to come back and crawl back into my cocoon...still it was a start, and I know I need to start somewhere. This new world is just so foreign from the way things were, and to stay in this place of just being, rather than doing, is almost more than my heart can handle right now, so maybe the time has come to try and start to make my way in the world, even if just a little at a time, once more.

It's snowing, and snowing, and snowing again....we're just days away from starting the calving season...with 100 cows ready to explode...but I sure hope they'll wait for a couple more days. It looks much like January again here, which sucks when we're just days away from April! Lots of fear around the potential for flooding this year as well. Luckily we're up in the hills, and don't have to worry about that, but that doesn't spare you from thinking of the others that aren't so safe right now. Hopefully all the work that's been done in the past years provincially to protect from this happening will allow people to stay dry and protected.

For now I'll keep moving along, trying to figure which direction I need to head in any given day, to maneuver myself to where I don't even know I'm going. Lost without a map, but gratefully not alone on my journey....my love and thanks to all of you.

Lynda
http://www.musicwriter.ca/

On the twelth day of.....

Twelve days have passed since we lost Shane...what a strange new world it suddenly is. Over the past days I'm finding that sometimes my friends speak my heart better than I do. A.M emailed me yesterday, she has a son who has many of the same needs that Shane did, and she put it this way.... "For seventeen years your life has revolved around Shane...your thoughts, your energy, your entire being has revolved around his care, his health, his good days, his bad nights....You know every inflection of every coo, and what it means... your ears are tuned to every sigh, every cry, every shriek of joy or pain..your eyes pick up every facial expression and you know what he has communicated, and wonder sometimes what he must be thinking....My heart weeps with you, my friend"...she pegged it so well.
I think it's the silence that is hardest...there was always sounds, although Shane never spoke a word, he always got his point across using one sound or another..his presence spoke such volumes. The silence is deafening...and as I listen, I hear my heart break.
I'm trying to focus on the list of things that I know need to get done, and the other list of things that I always planned to accomplish when I had time...now it seems I have more time than I can handle, but instead of getting things accomplished, I wander from room to room....memories hitting me at every turn....none of this seems real.

It's raining here. They say that in about 24hours the rain is to turn to another round of snow. I wish this winter would end, it seems to have lasted so long. It's such a dirty time of year too. The snow is no longer pure and white, but tired and grey and mottled...kind of reminds me of me right now. We need a dose of spring and renewal. I hope it comes soon.

Tried to play for a while today. Puttered with the song that I was working on just the week before Shane passed. Shane's Godmother read the lyrics as a poem at his funeral, and I know I need to finish the piece. There are still flashes of time when I stand here and wonder what next...what am I to do with myself...everything I've worked towards in the last many years have been geared towards his future, his having a safe, inclusive adult life, his world being made more accepting and tolerant. I know from the response from his passing, I have a responsibility to continue all that we started, and to keep working towards a better tomorrow for all person's with disabilities, and I know I need to get that fire back...right now it just seems so hard. Each morning I arise hoping this will be the day that I'll feel something of myself again...but each evening I retire feeling the same hollow emptiness that has engulfed me since March 10th. At least, with help, the sleep allows me to escape for a few hours, but the escape is usually into the world of my dreams, where Shane is with me, and all is as it should be again...that makes starting the next day just that much harder.

I know it's early, I know this will take time....God knows I've been here before when I lost my first husband in 2001, and when I lost my Dad last year...but this one just seems so much harder, because Shane got me through those other losses. The critical people in my life are trying so hard to do that for me now...but it's just different. I miss my boy sooooo much....please bear with my while I work though it.

Lynda
http://www.musicwriter.ca/

Is there life after Shane.....

Over a week has gone by since Shane's passing. I still feel like I'm trapped in a bad dream that I can't get out of. I'd hoped that by now, hours passing would have started to numb the ache that continues to throb in my very core, but it hasn't. The floral tributes we've received have given me such beauty to sit and reminisce in, if only the ache would stop for a short while.

We held his memorial on Sunday, and it was such a beautiful tribute to such a beautiful person. The people of the EMC church in MacGregor, opened their doors and hearts, and welcomed almost 500 family, friends and classmates who came to pay honor to Shane. What a tribute to the life he had, and the memories he left behind. The words of the service touched each of our hearts, as Shane's story was shared with us by not only the minister, but by his uncle, his teacher and his godmother, and through pictures that each held a thousand words.

The days since have been a very surreal blur of hours passing by without direction. I've spent 17 years of my life orchestrating every move I've made around ensuring that his needs were met first, and now that those needs aren't the focal point of my days...I'm not really sure what is. I started trying to do up some of the many Thank-yous that need to go our for the many kindnesses we've received over the past nine days. There have been so many things to be thankful for, at such a challenging time. We've been so well supported by friends and family with visits, calls, emails, cards, food and flowers. There have been donations made in Shane's honor to the charities we chose...The Children's Rehabilitation centre in Winnipeg, Sunshine Dreams for Kids, and The Variety club. It's overwhelming, and although we're so well supported, it still feels so unreal...

As I'd mentioned a few posts ago, we'd started fundraising for Shane to take a trip to California in the next year. We'd hoped that he'd be able to connect with Bridges School, the school established by Neil Young and his wife Peggy to support children like Shane who are unable to communicate verbally...there were wonderful plans in the making for that young man! We've decided to carry on with the fundraising, and use the money to set up a memorial award to be presented the graduate who best represents what it means to be inclusive and accepting of diversity. I think Shane would be proud to have the money spent that way....it's the people that he's touched that will be travelling the world and opening doors for others, now that he's no longer with us to do that. Maybe this will be a small way that we can help them to be able to do that.

We'd all but finished production of the new cd when all of this happened. Songs that I'd written to support others through their trials, ended up being played at the funeral to support me through my own. In the last weeks before Shane passed, I'd been working on a piece with the hopes that it could be used in some of the advocacy we do together. I've decided that that piece needs to be on the new cd, so until I have a chance to get it recorded and fine-tuned, I've decided to hold off on any further movement forward. There's also the little issue of my heart not being in things right now, and I don't know how long it's going to take for it to function properly again. It's all so strange.

One of the students that spent time with Shane at school started a Facebook page in his honor. I'd never taken time to do the facebook thing, but over the course of the past week, being able to peak into the group and read the thoughts and comments made about my beautiful son, has helped me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. The school also dedicated the Cabaret it presented this week to Shane's memory...such wonderful tributes to such a special young man! It's amazing how we draw from others to survive in our time of need...the cards, notes and posts have kept us from sinking below the surface of the pain we're treading in. It makes me hope I've offered that kind of comfort to others in their time of need...I hope I have, and I hope I'll get better at it, having been reminded of the importance of connections.

The writing helps too...being able to pour the pain out onto a written page seems to dull it somehow a little. I'd like to keep writing, but I know that there will be lots of time for that in the days ahead. For someone who never, ever seemed to have enough time...suddenly there seems to be so much of it.

I'd like to share the story of Shane with the world, but for now, I think I'll share the eulogy for Shane Dickson that my brother Micheal Dickson wrote and presented for him instead. He did a great job of capturing the life and the spirit that was Shane, and in the days ahead I'll do better...

It read as follows:

It seems strange how we all get up here and search for the words to express how we’re feeling.
Shane could express his feelings so easily and he was never able to speak a word in his life.
On behalf of the family I’d like to start by saying thank you to everyone for coming out today. I knew that Shane touched a lot of lives and I knew that so many special people touched Shane’s life. I guess this turnout today is a testament to that.
I’d also like to say a special thank to all the people who entered Shane’s life, through various avenues and inevitably became his friends. You see, Shane was very lucky. While his life was not without challenges and he had to endure more than his share...what he never had to tolerate were support workers, therapists, care aides, doctors, teachers, nurses and specialists. You see Shane just had this great group of friends...and some of those friends just happened to have very unique skill sets.
Shane also had a very special group of close friends. Friends like Trem, who’s known Shane since pre-school and someone I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for many years. Trem never saw a kid who couldn’t talk. He saw a friend who...if you asked the question right... gave him your undivided attention and concentrated really hard...could give you all the answers you needed. Oddly...the answer was usually “Ice Cream”....Or Victoria, who, even when she was very young, never saw a kid in a wheelchair. She saw “The smartest boy she knew, because he takes his chair with him everywhere and he never has to worry where he’s going to sit.”
17 years is not a long time...but if you put your mind to it, if you have a passion for living, a collection of the best friends in the world and a family determined to help you experience all that life has to offer...you might be surprised what you can accomplish.
Shane petted a dolphin and saw wild orca, he put his toes in both oceans...and laughed.
He rode on an airboat through the everglades of Florida with his family, on a sailboat through the Strait of Georgia with his Grandpa and on a Zodiac off the coast of Vancouver Island with pods of whales.
He rode horses, toboggans, snowmobiles, ATVs , water slides and roller coasters.
He put up with Mom’s singing, Cecil’s jokes, grandpa’s incessant doting and being force fed potatoes and gravy by grandma...and he just kept smiling.
He was a light in his Grandpa’s life through some very dark days...and after Grandpa passed away he gave the family a shoulder lean on and a hand to hold.
He played games and told stories with his eyes...touched hearts with his smile... lit up rooms with his laugh...and enriched lives with his spirit.
If I may, I’d like to direct this next part to Shane’s classmates. I’m not going to stand here and act like I know you. I’m not going to pretend that I understand what you’re going through. I don’t. We all deal with these things in our own way...but believe me when I say...I’ve walked in your shoes. You’re young. You’re just hitting your stride. Your whole life is ahead of you and you feel like you’re invincible. That’s good....that’s how it should be...that’s the beauty of youth.
When something like this happens, especially when it happens so suddenly, it can be a real shocker. It’s a bit of a wake-up call, a bit of a reality check. I hope that Shane’s passing doesn’t dampen the fire within you...I hope it fuels it. I hope it serves to show you how precious life is, how fragile. I think Shane knew that. I hope that you will take all that was great in Shane, his laugh, his love for life, his sense of adventure, any gifts that he may have given you and any lessons he may have taught you. I hope you will hold onto it, keep it inside you and carry it with you. If you do that, then you can celebrate Shane’s life everyday by making your life as full...and rich...and extraordinary as it can be. Shane would want that.
Always remember...It’s important to mourn someone’s passing...but it’s far more important to celebrate their life. If there’s one thing I could say in consolation...
it’s that....You made a difference. You touched a friend’s life and you made it better...and that’s a pretty special gift...thank you.
In closing I’ll just say that Shane will always be remembered, always be missed and always be loved.
And remember...in no matter what situation you find yourself in life...no matter how unfamiliar, or stressful....and no matter how inappropriate it might seem...the correct response is always...laugh.

Till next time,

Lynda

www.musicwriter.ca

Shane Allan James Dickson...so this is what it feels like when your heart breaks....

Just before 9:30pm on Tuesday, March 10, 2009, I learned what what it feels like for the world as you know it to be ripped from the very heart of you, as life changes for ever and always. Shane was just a little 'off'...we weren't sure what he was struggling with, but decided that being in hospital for observation was the safest bet. After 36 hours of not feeling great, he finally settled. We watched American Idol so he'd be up on the conversation at school when he got back to it, he closed his beautiful blue eyes, I made up the cot they gave me and turned off the light. Twenty minutes later, it occurred to me that I couldn't here his breathing, which had been noticeable with the head cold..I jumped out of bed, turned on the light, and realized the world as I've known it for 17 years was gone.
The past 3 days have been a blur of phone calls, visits, arrangements and head shaking...trying to make sense of the unfathomable. What a nightmare....and try as I might, I just can't wake up from it. I don't know where the tears keep coming from, but they do keep coming...and coming....and coming.....God I miss my boy.....
The funeral is planned for Sunday..and I hope I have all the basis covered. Songs I've written to support other people through the struggles of loss, are suddenly becoming part of the ceremony that will support me through my own...

For me, I wish I had the courage to get up and share what Shane meant to me, but I know I can't. The recessional song is 'Heroes' that was written for and with Shane, and that says so much about how he's got me through so many things, and who he helped me to become....he was my mentor, my teacher, and the very best parts of me.....I owe him so very much for the lessons he taught, and the love and patience he showed and the honor granted to just be his mom. I'm attaching a jpeg with the poem 'Welcome to Holland'...I kept this poem taped to my dresser mirror for over 16 years, and always called Shane my little dutch boy...because he took me to Holland, and the journey was remarkable....I can't believe how lost I am without him her to guide me....and I just hope that today his new legs are taking him to every corner of the universe that his heart desired to see...and his voice is celebrating and sharing all the wisdom his soul has gathered ....Shane....I will miss you forever, and love you for always...Forever and always, my baby you'll be. Love you so much sweetheart...





His Obituary reads as follows:
It is with deepest sorrow that we announce the sudden passing of Shane Allan James Dickson, age 17, of Lavenham, Manitoba on Tuesday, March 10th, with his mother by his side.

Left to mourn his loss, and forever cherish his memory, are his parents Lynda and Cecil Turner, siblings Bill (Robin), Lisa (Adam), Kathy (Tim), John (Corinna), Bianca (Josh) and Anthony. He will be sadly missed by Grandparents Vera Dickson, and Delmer and Shirley Dobbin, and lovingly remembered by many aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and cousins, as well as countless friends and classmates. Shane was predeceased by his father Greg Dobbin (2001), Grandpa Jim Dickson (2008) and Grandma Hazel Turner (2008).

Shane was born January 18, 1992 in Winnipeg. Shane’s physical struggles began early in life, with a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy, but the struggles and challenges never weakened his resilient spirit or his infectious laugh. While many people spend decades waiting to learn what their purpose in life might turn out to be, Shane’s became clear at a very early age, as he became an ambassador for children with special needs to the greater community. His beautiful eyes and his knowing smile opened many people’s eyes and hearts to the possibilities within a child with such differing needs. In his short 17 years, Shane started a ripple of understanding that will be felt by hundreds of people for years to come, and anyone who knew him will never forget him.

Shane loved people! His greatest joy was in being surrounded by friends and family. He loved school and being in the center of it all both at the Elementary and Collegiate schools of MacGregor, where he was in Grade 11. The MacGregor staff and student body provided Shane with an educational experience that was second to none, and provided the country with a living example of what inclusion in schools really, truly looks like. There wasn’t one day when a hoot of joy didn’t erupt from Shane, when he heard the bus coming for him, because he couldn’t get enough of the time spent with peers.

Physical limitations didn’t hinder his opportunities for travel, swimming, 4-wheeling, snowmobiling, camping, or tobogganing. There were very few things that he missed having the chance to try, and leaves us knowing his seventeen short years were packed with a lifetime full of memories and adventures. He knew what it was to have true, lifelong friendships, and he knew what it meant to be truly loved by all those around you. He was also able to teach us that physical abilities can’t limit a spirit, or a person’s sense of joy, as he spent his life teaching all of us those lessons.

There are so many amazing things happening....in a world where 50 years ago, a child with his needs might have come and gone without so much as a marking on his grave...here we are struggling to find a building that will accommodate the crowd that has embraced him. There's a FaceBook page dedicated to his memory, that grows by the hour, with words of condolences and celebration for the gifts he offered. It's all so overwhelming right now, but in the days to come, I hope to gather the strength to share with the world, who he was, and the lessons he taught us all...but for now, I just need to close my eyes and remember the child that was mine.

How can this be?

How can it be that another two months have slipped past, and I've not managed to find myself here in all of that time? That should be rephrased...I've found myself here on several occasions, but the stops have been so brief, and the time not available to spill out what's on my mind, so the window closes until a more suitable time comes along. And with so many other things...a more suitable time does not make itself known. I've also struggled with a lot of frustration on getting this sight to open as it's supposed to, and once again today, it's a scrambled version of what I should be able to access, and I'm not certain why (of course, now after all my whining, I've come back in to edit a spelling mistake I found and lo and behold it's working beautifully....sheesh!) ...but it frustrates me, and so lots of time I just say to heck with it...but today, I need to actually move ahead and write something, so here I am.
The last two months have been a blur for the most part. Christmas came and went...likely a little better than we'd thought it might, but still a tough season to endure with all the firsts that came with it. December 20th would have been my parents 50th wedding anniversary, our first Christmas without Dad or Mom Turner to share the season with , January 2nd was Dad's birthday...so there were a lot of firsts..all tough ones to walk through, all so close together. But we linked arms and hearts as a family, and came through it somehow, and now find ourselves on the other side.
We decided to start 2009 off differently, so after a little surfing on 'SellOffVacations.Com' on Christmas eve, we landed a great winter holiday at a great resort at a great price, and stole away for the first week of January. We'd never been on a hot winter vacation before, so it may have been a mistake on our part, because I can't see not doing that again each year, if at all possible. It certainly broke up the winter for us here, and got us away from all the things that were challenging us, at least for a little while.
We ended up going to Cuba..for no particular reason other than that's where the best deal seemed to be for the week we had free. It was a great opportunity to see a world, so removed from our own that it was like we were in another time. We also met some incredible people that were also on vacation, and developed friendships that I know will last for years to come. It was exactly the break that we needed. It was wonderful to get away for a few days, and break from the cold and the snow...but truthfully...it was also really good to get home. I don't know what it is about me this last several months, but home is so incredibly important for me, and when I'm away, I can hardly wait to get back to it...even though when we boarded the plane to come the temperature in Varadero was +30 celcius...when we landed 4 hours later in Winnipeg it was -30! Its' those little things that do make me questions why it is I continually are called to to return!
January also saw my son turning 17....and starts the countdown for a new life for him on the horizon, mere months away. 2010 seems to be a year I've been working towards for a long time, and here we are on the cusp of it. It's exciting, and scarey...all at the same time. It seems like I've left so much to ride on the time when he'll be eligible for the adult supports that will allow me to return to some of the freedom and flexibility I knew before his birth. I wonder now if I'll follow through on the promises I've been making to myself, or whether I'll be able to 'let go' of the roles that I've assumed over 17 years of being his main caregiver. It's funny. In my job, working with people with disabilities and developing networks for them to live full lives, it seems we're always looking for ways to support parents to 'let go' or 'hold on differently' so that other people can assume more of the responsibility, and prepare for the time when they won't be around to do it all. Now that I'm inching so close to that myself...I wonder if I'll be able to walk the walk. It's going to be a very interesting year ahead to be sure!
So now we're into February. So where am I, let me see....I've got the final cuts of 12 songs done for my new CD. Now the time comes to concentrate on packaging and presentation...and we're ready to move forward into production. It's kinda like readying your child to go out into the world...a little scary, but exciting. Of course, I'm still struggling with the name of the next CD...sheesh, the challenges of summing it all up. Oh well, there's time, and it will come.
For now my spare time is spent practicing for a House Concert I'm performing at next weekend. Typically, in the recent past, I've been on the other side of the fence, hosting and presenting them, and although getting back more into the limelight is on my agenda for 2010 (like everything else!), it was a great honor to be asked to perform at one...and it's been good for me to get off the fence and back into the saddle. I needed the little boost up that this has given me, and am really looking forward to it, and all the ones that will follow. I do a lot of performing where I may be asked to do a few songs, or fill in a set, but it's been awhile since the entire evening's entertainment hinged on me, so this is taking a little more preparation. It's neat though, how thinking about the songs, and figuring out the introductions, leads you on that journey down memory lane, reminding you just how long music has been part of who you are, and revisiting the milestones that marked the various points along that journey. It's so great to be back to the place where music is once again a defining characteristic of who I am...there were too many years spent treading water without it.
I'd like to go on, but another day is slipping through my fingers, so I'll add more next time.
Until then, take care,
Lynda
http://www.musicwriter.ca/

A Portrait of Lavenham

Unexpectedly, it's been an amazing week here in this little town of Lavenham! And a lot of the excitement has to be attributed to the other Lavenham...the one in Suffolk, England, not the one here in Manitoba, Canada!

It all started with an email I received in early October, from Tony Hepworth, a gentleman in Lavenham, Suffolk, who was writing a book about his town there. He wanted to include a chapter on other Lavenhams of the world, and through the wonder of the world wide web, had found me through my website, that mentions where I'm from. I collected information for him from local area books that had been written about our small town's history, and took a few pictures for him of the town as it is now. He expanded his chapter on our Lavenham by a couple of pages, and sent the book off to the printers.
Tuesday, I got an email from him to say that the book was finished, and the copy he'd promised me was in the mail. He also mentioned that he'd been a guest on BBC Radio, promoting the book, and having had one choice of songs to play during the interview, chose a cut off my 'Reflections' CD! I shared that with a few friends who follow and encourage my musical dreams, and through that, one of them found the link so that we could all listen to the broad cast. For anyone that might be interested, go to

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p001kkkx/Lesley_Dolphin_02_12_2008/

It will only be on the sight for another couple of days I think, but still...it was incredibly cool to hear one of my tunes on the BBC! Thankyou Tony for the plug, and all the kind words that went along with it! I am so looking forward to having the opportunity to learn more about the town that our own was named for!

Beyond that little bit of excitement, things have been pretty calm. Trying to get in the spirit of the season, but I'm finding it so hard to do this year. I can't wait for this funk to pass, but worry as to when it will. I think that Christmas, although meant to be a time of family and celebration, can also be a time of sad remembrance for those that are missing this year. Seems to be hitting me hard these days, and even dreams are filled with those no longer with us...it's like one can't escape. I think also it's being heightened with my son's health being so tentative right now...he's having struggles that are new to the struggles he's already living with, and it's tough trying to figure it out for a young man that can't share what's going on. I think if we can get things settled for him, some of my own challenges will ease.

Mixes of the songs for the new CD are starting to come in, and they are sounding good! However, I got a real eye opener the other day around just how painfully slow my lovely dial-up internet connection truly is! When a song comes to me to download, the tunes that are typically 39-50mb in the format my engineer forwards them to me in, it's taking me close to 10 hours per song to download...having always had dialup, I never really thought that much about it, it's just the way it is, and I plan on that when downloading. Last week, I was having trouble opening one song after the download, so I did it a second time...still couldn't open it. Happened, the next day I was going into a meeting in the city, and while at a friends house, she allowed me to download it there, to see if it was more successful. Well, I still wasn't able to open it BUT the darn song only took about 1 minute to download at her house!! Now I see how sucky dial-up really is! So, I've decided to give myself an early Christmas present, and have ordered satellite internet service to be installed...I just hope it works! Life in the country is so, so wonderful...but we do have these little drawbacks to contend with....internet service being one...lousy water pressure being another...but that's another story. Anyways, wish me luck...and maybe when I get up to speed on what's possible on the net now, who know's what I'll actually accomplish in a day!!!!

We got a lovely skiff of snow last night, so everything is looking so clean and pristine here today..it's also got the guys all fired up to be out on their snowmobiles! That's okay..it's made for a nice, quiet day for Shane and I to regroup by the fireplace, and get grounded again. Tonight, we're planning on putting up our Christmas tree....maybe that will help fire up the spirit of the season for me.

Well, stay warm....stay safe...till next time.
Lynda

http://www.musicwriter.ca/

Wonders in your own back yard

It's hunting season around here again....I hate this time of year...none of it has ever sat well with me, even as a child. But, because of the abundance of wildlife around here, it's a big part of the reason many people have chosen to live or cottage in the area. For the most part, I believe everyone is pretty responsible about it, but last week, at the beginning of the season, we found some folks just aren't. A calf about to come home from pasture was mistaken for a deer and shot in our west pasture. I don't understand that if someone isn't close enough to know the difference, why would you shoot into the bush (not to mention...it was on private property, with no permission given). Anyhow, it did nothing to improve my feelings about the sport, to say the least.

We brought the calf home to autopsy, and before we could dispose of the remains that were behind the bale yard, a group of Bald Eagles found them. It was breathtaking to look out and see at least eight of those amazing creatures gathered for a feast. There were at least 3 fully mature ones, with the other's either immature based on their plumage. We often see one or two at a time, but never a collection like that. It's no wonder that so many cultures find the bird such a source of beauty and inspiration....they are awe inspiring in their majesty. Even amid the frustration of needless loss, we are blessed to be living in a place that gives us such beauty in exchange.

Last night we headed into Portage for the Prairie Player's production of Play On at the Glesby centre. It was the first dinner theatre I've been to in years, and it was a really great night....something out of the ordinary, and wonderful fun. I was amazed at how many old friends I got the chance to connect with at the production as well. It was just what was needed after resurfacing from the recent sadness.

A quiet weekend around here. It's a nice change from some of the hectic circles of the past year. Time to do a little thinking about Christmas if the spirit will allow me to. I've been trying little baby steps, but it's really hard to get into the swing of the season yet...I'm not even sure if it'll happen at all this year, but we've got to keep trying.

I've been very proud of the fact that I've been able to maintain my walking...I'm now past my fifth full month, and have only missed 8 days. It's not doing as much as I'd like for my weight, but it does wonders for my spirit, and that's worth a million bucks right now. Unfortunately, I think I'm killing my treadmill slowly but surly. It died badly enough last week that when Cec and I had two days in the city, we spent the whole time running around looking for a replacement, that I never did find! Then when I came home and tried it, it worked fine again...until today when about 2 minutes from my finishing time it crashed again! Darn that jars you when you've got your momentum going! :( Oh well, maybe it's just needing a little rest before getting back at it tomorrow! I can only hope!

well, that's about it for today.
Till next time.

Lynda

www.musicwriter.ca