At that time, in 2001, September 12 was five months after the passing of my first husband Greg, 2 days before what would have been his 55th birthday, and 24 hours after the world changed forever. In those days, I did the trek up to the escarpment daily. It had become my routine in the final months of Greg’s battle with cancer, when most nights were just plain bad, and most mornings that walk was required to gather my strength and my spirit for the day ahead, and remind myself there was still beauty in the world that was so marred by chemo and heartache. It was a very hard time. In looking back, I know I was the lucky one, as I had the strength and the health to make that walk daily. I continued those morning walks long after his passing, as I walked through the grief.
I have been thinking a lot of where I was last year at this time, and the change that a year has made. Last year, I was wrapping up my final days of work before starting a six month sabbatical to find out who Lynda was after Shane’s death. I was packing boxes, changing addresses, pacing the floor in anxious anticipation of getting away from this place I called home. I needed to leave, and I couldn’t get away fast enough. My sight was on Salt Spring Island, and my heart was already there, waiting for my body to catch up.
This year, I can’t even imagine being anywhere but home. It’s been very strange to say the least. Daily, I take may walks and drink in the sights and sounds around me, just feeling so glad to be here, where I am, doing what I’m doing. A few weeks after I got going on my morning walks here at home, I asked myself why it was that I never left home without my camera on the island, yet hadn’t taken it with me once since returning home. So, I grabbed it the following morning, and started seeing, for maybe the first time in a long time, the beauty and the magic that is right here in the hills of Lavenham.
My morning walks are normally supposed to be a 45 minute hike to get my heart pumping and my metabolism up for the day, but instead they became what often turned into an hour and a half long artists date, as my interest was captured by butterflies, dragonflies and flowers, in a landscape that seemed to change colors and schemes almost daily. I became a visitor in my own back yard, finally realizing all that there is right here within a mile of my home.
Common insects became my models. Weeds in flower showed the beauty nature can produce without the hand of man interfering. Wildflowers blossomed, each in their own time, and captured my eye and attention.
It’s made for a remarkable summer, as each morning has become my own little artists date between my camera and the nature around me. It’s been really good for my spirit and my soul, and home is truly home again.
I’ve had so much fun taking pictures this summer, and just losing myself in the pursuit of the nature I’m trying to photograph. I should mention though, that about a month ago, I had to give up my normal walking route. A bear has made himself at home in our neighborhood, and although everyone says he’d be more afraid of me than I of him, there have been reports of rather peculiar behavior from him, so I’ve decided although my walk is going well….my run really, truly sucks…so for now I continue my walks making laps around my circle driveway. Amazingly, there’s lots to see right here at home, and no bear to hamper my relaxation.
So many people have asked if we’re taking off again to the Island this winter, but strangely, I have no desire at all right now. Something about the time away last year reminded me of all that is here, all that I have. Maybe coming home to Mom’s illness and loss had something to do with that as well, as I was catapulted back into my home community…drawing on the strength and support that family and friends provided. Recognizing that I don’t think I could have gotten that anywhere else in this world, because this is where my people are.
Maybe it was my trip to Lavenham , England in February, where every single person remarked on how very lucky we were to live here with the space and the room that we have to live and grow. Bottom line is, I have no idea why I feel so settled this year, I only know that I’m glad that I do. I’m even looking forward to the coming of winter, building a big fire in the field stone fireplace, curling up with a good book in the comfort of Shane’s chair, watching the world go by through the living room window. Just being at home, and soaking in all that that means.
Butterfly on my driveway
One of many beautiful Swallowtails
A weedy flower in it's glory!
A bug I thought was just beautiful, but I think now it's the
One of so many bluebirds I saw on my walks this summer. I wonder what they are a sign of?
I like to believe that they are a message from those I have lost telling me that all is well... all is as it should be, not to worry, just be happy.
Till next time,
Lynda
