Time in a bottle...

Wouldn't that be just about the sweetest thing in this crazy, fragmented world that we all live in these days? To be able to bottle it for the times when there just isn't enough, to uncap when you need the chance just to catch your breath... I could sure use some of that concoction of late.
I realized that I haven't had the opportunity to post for almost 2 full weeks. I shouldn't say that there hasn't been any opportunity...several nights I've sat down to try and clarify on record my thoughts...but my mind is just too tired. It's tired tonight as well, but I thought I'd better get back on the horse before I forget how to ride!
I'm hoping that things will ease off in the near future. I recently received a promotion at work that gives me a new half-time position...which is great, except that I'm still doing my full time position while everything gets sorted out. When Friday rolls around and I'm dead on my feet, I realize it's because I,ve been putting in some horrendous hours while I try to learn the new and maintain the old. I think it's getting easier, but there are still several busy weeks ahead. It's all okay though, I'm happy to be in a position of learning again. I always enjoy learning.
Music has taken a real back burner this past month while I sort out the business end of my life. I miss it, but I can't think about it...it causes too much pull on my heart. The only music I've been able to squeeze in was when I sang at an elderly aunt's funeral last week. It was odd, sitting at the front of the chapel, waiting for my turn so I could sing "Amazing Grace" and "In the Garden" in her honor. It occured to me that Auntie Kae Frizzley was the first person ever to have asked me to sing at a funeral. It was for her father, back in 1973. I was 12 years old, and I think those were the same songs I'd done then. As I sang my songs, I looked around at the faces of the friends, family and neighbors who had gathered to celebrate her life and mourn her passing, and I realized how many of those faces I've sang my songs for during their time of loss. It used to be if I was finding it difficult to sing at such an emotional event, I could pick out a face among the crowd for whom I'd never been asked sing in honor of a loved one for. I could focus on that face that didn't hold that connection, and I could get through the tough part and carry on. I realized last Friday, that there are getting to be fewer and fewer faces left to focus on...I guess I've been doing this for too long. Still, even when the going gets tough, I try to remind myself that it's the very last thing I'm ever going to be able to do for someone I cared about, and usually that sees me through.
I'd like to write more...sound more philosophical and intellectual...but I'm tired. Again! So, instead I'm going to retreat to the comfort of my bathtub, and prepare for the next three days on the road. With any luck I'll find the time and energy to post from there. If not, know you're not forgotten.
L
www.musicwriter.ca

A spontaneous breakaway...

The Grand Ole Opry House...I love this picture and the memories that it brings back! It seems like it was so long ago, but in reality it was less than a year. I keep telling myself that I don't need to trek back to Nashville this year, but a little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering a different line. I guess I'd better tell that little voice if it thinks it's heading south any time soon, it'd better get it's butt into the city to get a passport. I hear that's taking up to three months by mail if you don't have a day or more to sit there in line and wait. That alone should put the brakes on that darn little voice!

I guess I'm thinking back to last year's breakaway, because we're working at another one today. Only for about 48hours, but when I do all that I do to have this little breath of spontaneity, I can't imagine how we ever got away with last year's. Right now we're just trying to get off the farm for a day or two, but by the time the cows are taken care of, the arrangements are in place for Shane, the last load or two of grain is delivered, and all the lose ends for my job are tied up....somedays it's just easier to stay home!

I'm looking forward to getting into the city though. There's not a lot going on that's drawing us in, and its too cold to look at a lot of the stuff going on right now, but it's a change none the less. I'm hoping we'll have the chance to connect with some really neat people that we met last fall at the Western Canadian Music Awards. It's so nice to spend a little time with likeminded people, or should I say likeminded people for the "fun" side of my life. I spend most of my life with 'likeminded' people, but often that is others that are passionate about deeper, more serious things I deal with day to day. No, today it's going to be about a little fun. A little music, a little learning, a little change from the ordinary.

I assure you it's not going to be the Grand Ole Opry, but it is going to be a nice break.

L

www.musicwriter.ca

A lazy winter's day

We don't seem to get too many of those, but today was one. One of those days where you just do the bare necessity of what's expected of you.

It's still cold, colder than you care to deal with if you're wanting to go out and enjoy the sunshine, that insists on beaming down on us. The heat coming through the windows from that sunshine, kinda plays tricks on you. Making you think that it's nicer than it really is, trying to convince you to bundle up, come out an play. Not today.

It's one of those days, where I really would have chosen to stay in bed, that is if I'd had a choice. One of those days where you yearn for the freedom and irresponsibility of your youth, when the only one you answered to was yourself. Those days are long gone, no doubt about that, and now I almost find myself counting down the months until some of the responsibility I've handled for so long might be relieved a little. Of course those thoughts only bring on the guilt attached to thinking them. Surely good mother's don't think like that....or do they?

So instead of nestling under the covers, I've spent the day hunkered down in front of the fire. Mesmerized by crackling and beauty, doing only what is minimally expected and appreciating the opportunity to enjoy a lazy day. No, we just don't get enough of them.

L

www.musicwriter.ca

Thinking of the Winnipeg Fire Fighters...

On your average chilly, winter Manitoba morning, the alarms goes off, I roll out of bed, get Shane's breakfast started and head to the kitchen to make coffee. Looking out our large living room window, this is my typical view of the beautiful winter sunrises we are blessed with here in our valley.
Last Monday morning was not a typical one by any stretch. Knowing that the temperatures had plummeted to below -40c, I turned on the radio to see if school would be cancelled. That's when I heard the report of the 2 Winnipeg Fire Department captains who had been killed fighting a fire Sunday night. Like thousands of others across the province, my heart froze, waiting for more details that were slow to unfold. Like thousands of other listening, I waited with a knot in my stomach, hoping it wasn't one of the the three men I know who serve the city on that department. This time our family was fortunate, and for that we are grateful. This time those we know and love made it safely through, at least physically. This time.
I think all too often we forget the valiance of the men and women who choose to pursue a line of work which puts them in harms way through their dedication to ensure our safety. Jobs and careers where at any given time one wrong move, or one unknown component can end it all. Sadly, it takes a tragedy like the one that happened in the city last weekend to remind us all of those people and what they risk for us. Sadly, as with many things, our chance to show appreciation comes too late.
Tomorrow morning, looking out that living room window at the next beautiful sunrise, the world is going to look relatively unchanged. But for the families of those men, it is never going to be the same. For those that worked beside them and knew them as comrades and friends, the view will be forever altered. Our hearts are with all of those folks right now, and though there are not words that can change what happened or take away the pain of that, there is the opportunity to show our appreciations and to say thankyou. For all that you do, for all that you risk, and for all that you are.
L
www.musicwriter.a

Inside the world of dreams

Last night I spent another night conversing and sharing secrets of the song with Jann Arden. It was the same dream I dreamt last week. Funny how dreams can repeat themselves over and over and over. I guess it's true, a dream is just a wish your heart makes, and for a little while, you're heart is happy! Funny how a dream can do that, not that my heart isn't happy most of the time. I'm lucky, it is. It's just that there are things that are unlikely ever going to take place, that a part of you beleives would really have an incredible impact on your life, and for those moments before you wake, you're given just the faintest taste of what it would be like. Helps you wake up in a pretty darn good mood!

Actually, having the opportunity to meet Jann Arden isn't really a dream at all for me anymore. It was for a long time. I love her writing. I've attended every concert she's played in Manitoba, and have every one of her albums in my scattered collection. She's held firm and moved forward in a world where many tried and gave up, and she just keeps getting deeper, and funnier, and more authentic I think. I've even always been able to relate to her weight issues, we definitely share them. Then darn her, Jann Arden moved ahead and shed all those pounds...so here I am convincing myself that if an idol can do it when she's only two years younger than I, then darnit there is hope...and on I struggle again. And guess what, I may not be down the 50 pounds that Jann is able to claim, but I've seen 18 dissappear...and I figure this is my year to have the rest follow.

Anyhow, back to my story. I did have the opportunity to meet Jann Arden last October. In promising myself that I'm not going to miss opportunities to learn more, immerse myself more, and enjoy myself more when it comes to my music, I signed up for the Western Canadian Music Awards that were held in Winnipeg. Shortly before the week kicked off, I received the email calling for volunteers, so Cec and I talked it out and thought what the heck....let's do something just a little outside the realm that we're used to. Weirdly, the two of us were signed up to drive people back and forth from the airport. I had the incredible experience of driving Peter Jenner, who managed Pink Floyd and countless other bands. You're driving along thinking "my God, I'm escorting Peter Jenner around" and Peter Jenner is riding along thinking "My God, a farmer from Lavenham has my life in her hands!!". But in reality, he was wonderful, and interesting, and interested in what this farmer had to say. Quite the experience. Both Cec and I had the opportunity to meet really amazing people whose paths I know, had we not volunteered, would never have crossed.
Part of the week was a Songwriters session, where, you guessed it, Jann Arden was one of the panel. And low and behold, I had the fortune to have her listen to and critique one of my songs when it was randomly selected from the basket. Oh, I can not tell you what an idiot I must of looked like with my eyes brimming with tears, realizing the things that can happen when you put yourself out there and follow your dreams. Jann was very kind and supportive and encouraging, and told me to always keep writing. I wish there'd been time to tell her that I couldn't imagine ever not writing again. I wish I'd had time to thank her for all the times her stuff has got me through. I wish I'd had a chance to share with her how, when my first husband was 3/4 of the way through that awful battle he fought with cancer, I'd dropped him off for chemo then ran errands. "Blood Red Cherry" had just come out, so I picked it up, popped it in the cd player in the van, and headed back to the hospital. Heading back to the hospital, preparing myself for what I knew was ahead of us weekly post-chemo, wondering how long either one of us could keep this up the song "Piece of it all" started playing as the first selection on random...with the opening line "Right now, somebody loves you". I had to pull over, I couldn't stop the tears and I couldn't see through them. I so needed to be reminded of that at that moment, and the song did.
But I never got to tell Jann that either. I guess that's what dreams are for, telling all the folks who have passed through your life the things that you didn't manage to say in their presence. However, I did get an autograph, and I did get a picture of the two of us together, both of which I now can proudly display with my "Love is the only soldier" poster. And who knows, someday, maybe the opporunity will come again. Life is full of miracles!
So now I'm off, to dream a little dream...who knows who I'll share tonights conversation with!
L
www.musicwriter.ca

Put another log on the fire

...or "Baby it's cold outsite" . I don't know off the top of my head who wrote either of those songs, but I sure know what they were talking about. This morning when we got up the thermometer out on the deck was registering -42c. So for the most part of the day, all we did was continue to 'put another log on' and try not to look outside.

I guess it's all relative. The neighbor came and said that he'd heard from his folks who are presently in Corpus Christi, Texas doing the snowbird thing. They were complaining about how cold it is there, only 50F. Apparently the complaining quit when they heard what we're experiencing right now.

Was nice to have a day, stay inside by the fire and spend a little time with my old guitar. I don't get enough time to do that these days. I'd like to say I'm one of those truly dedicated songwriters who just absolutely, positively must write every singe day! I'm not...well maybe I am a little. I don't think there's a day goes by that I don't have lyrics and tunes circling in my head, looking for a soft place to land, but too many days there isn't time to allow them to come full circle. They remain snippets of the song that will be. That's okay. On the days that I truly do need to write, I do. On the rest, I do what I must do.

I started out this year with a list of resolutions of the things I was going to do more positively for my health, my spirit and my well being. On that list I have 'spend a little time everyday working on music'. So far, that's one of the resolutions that I'm slipping on I suppose, but on the other hand, doing this journal and spending a little time each evening working towards making www.musicwriter.ca more visible to the world, is in fact working on my music. So I guess I'm not doing so bad afterall.

So now as the evening is winding down, I see that the thermometer is once more dipping below -35c. I guess I'd best leave this for tomorrow, bring in the night's supply, and put another log on...it's going to be a frosty one I'm certain.
L
www.musicwriter.ca

"Prairie Wind"...

Seems only a couple of days ago I was talking with such fondness of the magic that Neil Young's Prairie Wind created for me....then this morning I woke up and saw our thermometer registering -38 c with a windchill factor that made it -45....funny how warm thoughts can be crystallized and shattered at that temperature! There are definitely days when we wonder why it is we stay where we stay, that's for sure.

Today has been one of those funny days when you feel really caught between who you were and who you are. I had to spend some time yesterday investigating accommodation options for my folks in the event that things can't continue as they are for them. It made for a very hard day if the truth be known, but in that, I was lucky to be walked through it by the sister of an old friend from school. When the business end of our conversation ended, discussion turned back the clock, to those good old days of school. Some of the good old days, just weren't so good as I recall...particularly in the early years. It's funny how we let the opinions of other children who are as lost trying to find themselves as we ourselves are, define who we believe we are isn't it. Looking back from where we stand today, the picture is so much bigger than we saw it to be back then. Most of the bad stuff has just fallen away, and for the most part it's a lot of good memories that are left behind. Still, in thinking back to that, and seeing where some of the kids that matter most to me are struggling today, you realize that a lot of things haven't changed, and you just wish you could share with them that the world is so much bigger than those four walls where they spend so much of their lives. If only we could be born with the wisdom and knowledge that only time can grant us...life would be so much easier.
The flip side of that coin that I've been tossing in my head all day is that some of those days were darn good. If you spend time listening to the song clips on www.musicwriter.ca you'll see a picture representative of each song comes up as the clip plays. I love the picture attacted to "In the Company of Friends", because that particular picture was of me with my friends at my 40th birthday party. That was a very bad year for me. My first husband was into his second year of chemo fighting a battle he could not win, and he and I were both getting so, so worn down by it all. My friends didn't want the occation of a special birthday like that to pass uncelebrated, so they arranged a small, intimate gathering so that I would not feel overwhelmed anymore than I was, but that I would feel acknowledged. They gave me the most beautiful 'circle of friends' candle holder, and it sits proudly in the centre of my livingroom everyday. I look at that picture today, and realize that every one of those women have been in my life now for at least 32 years, some even longer. And I once again realize that I truly am one of the most fortunate people I know to have friendships that have endured for so long and have remained so strong. I also realize that with treasures like that in my life, the bad stuff really doesn't matter at all. It's just part of the history.
L
www.musicwriter.ca