Seems only a couple of days ago I was talking with such fondness of the magic that Neil Young's Prairie Wind created for me....then this morning I woke up and saw our thermometer registering -38 c with a windchill factor that made it -45....funny how warm thoughts can be crystallized and shattered at that temperature! There are definitely days when we wonder why it is we stay where we stay, that's for sure.
Today has been one of those funny days when you feel really caught between who you were and who you are. I had to spend some time yesterday investigating accommodation options for my folks in the event that things can't continue as they are for them. It made for a very hard day if the truth be known, but in that, I was lucky to be walked through it by the sister of an old friend from school. When the business end of our conversation ended, discussion turned back the clock, to those good old days of school. Some of the good old days, just weren't so good as I recall...particularly in the early years. It's funny how we let the opinions of other children who are as lost trying to find themselves as we ourselves are, define who we believe we are isn't it. Looking back from where we stand today, the picture is so much bigger than we saw it to be back then. Most of the bad stuff has just fallen away, and for the most part it's a lot of good memories that are left behind. Still, in thinking back to that, and seeing where some of the kids that matter most to me are struggling today, you realize that a lot of things haven't changed, and you just wish you could share with them that the world is so much bigger than those four walls where they spend so much of their lives. If only we could be born with the wisdom and knowledge that only time can grant us...life would be so much easier.
The flip side of that coin that I've been tossing in my head all day is that some of those days were darn good. If you spend time listening to the song clips on www.musicwriter.ca you'll see a picture representative of each song comes up as the clip plays. I love the picture attacted to "In the Company of Friends", because that particular picture was of me with my friends at my 40th birthday party. That was a very bad year for me. My first husband was into his second year of chemo fighting a battle he could not win, and he and I were both getting so, so worn down by it all. My friends didn't want the occation of a special birthday like that to pass uncelebrated, so they arranged a small, intimate gathering so that I would not feel overwhelmed anymore than I was, but that I would feel acknowledged. They gave me the most beautiful 'circle of friends' candle holder, and it sits proudly in the centre of my livingroom everyday. I look at that picture today, and realize that every one of those women have been in my life now for at least 32 years, some even longer. And I once again realize that I truly am one of the most fortunate people I know to have friendships that have endured for so long and have remained so strong. I also realize that with treasures like that in my life, the bad stuff really doesn't matter at all. It's just part of the history.
L
www.musicwriter.ca
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