Wouldn't that be just about the sweetest thing in this crazy, fragmented world that we all live in these days? To be able to bottle it for the times when there just isn't enough, to uncap when you need the chance just to catch your breath... I could sure use some of that concoction of late.
I realized that I haven't had the opportunity to post for almost 2 full weeks. I shouldn't say that there hasn't been any opportunity...several nights I've sat down to try and clarify on record my thoughts...but my mind is just too tired. It's tired tonight as well, but I thought I'd better get back on the horse before I forget how to ride!
I'm hoping that things will ease off in the near future. I recently received a promotion at work that gives me a new half-time position...which is great, except that I'm still doing my full time position while everything gets sorted out. When Friday rolls around and I'm dead on my feet, I realize it's because I,ve been putting in some horrendous hours while I try to learn the new and maintain the old. I think it's getting easier, but there are still several busy weeks ahead. It's all okay though, I'm happy to be in a position of learning again. I always enjoy learning.
Music has taken a real back burner this past month while I sort out the business end of my life. I miss it, but I can't think about it...it causes too much pull on my heart. The only music I've been able to squeeze in was when I sang at an elderly aunt's funeral last week. It was odd, sitting at the front of the chapel, waiting for my turn so I could sing "Amazing Grace" and "In the Garden" in her honor. It occured to me that Auntie Kae Frizzley was the first person ever to have asked me to sing at a funeral. It was for her father, back in 1973. I was 12 years old, and I think those were the same songs I'd done then. As I sang my songs, I looked around at the faces of the friends, family and neighbors who had gathered to celebrate her life and mourn her passing, and I realized how many of those faces I've sang my songs for during their time of loss. It used to be if I was finding it difficult to sing at such an emotional event, I could pick out a face among the crowd for whom I'd never been asked sing in honor of a loved one for. I could focus on that face that didn't hold that connection, and I could get through the tough part and carry on. I realized last Friday, that there are getting to be fewer and fewer faces left to focus on...I guess I've been doing this for too long. Still, even when the going gets tough, I try to remind myself that it's the very last thing I'm ever going to be able to do for someone I cared about, and usually that sees me through.
I'd like to write more...sound more philosophical and intellectual...but I'm tired. Again! So, instead I'm going to retreat to the comfort of my bathtub, and prepare for the next three days on the road. With any luck I'll find the time and energy to post from there. If not, know you're not forgotten.
L
www.musicwriter.ca
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