Winter's Bleak Beauty

I realize that as my last writing was in February, I have once again let the busyness of life get the best of my good intentions. I wonder sometimes if I keep my life so busy on purpose. Is that what keeps the sadness at bay? I wonder. I know I keep saying I want to do things differently, to have more time, more space...but when space appears, I immediately fill it up with something else. Something for me to reflect on I guess.

2011 is all but gone and was a year that saw some healing, finally. It’s been such a rocky road the past few years, but in looking back, I think I can say that for every bad day there was a good one this past year. That is an accomplishment, and hopefully the start of a better balance of days yet to come. And 2011 had some remarkable moments...lots of them in fact! A West-Coast House Concert Tour, 2 trips to Boston to share my music as part of leadership trainings, a return to California for the 25^th Annual Bridge School Benefit Concert among the highlights...but today, I just want to focus on this day, and hope that as I make time for writing in my life, I can touch on some of those things later.

It’s been a funny fall....long and mild and very un-Manitoba like! There is a strong chance that we will be having a ‘brown Christmas’, there is so little snow around. It lays just a few inches deep in the valleys, and in the woods and on the hills there is nothing at all. Though the lack of snow and the dead fall colours leave things looking rather bleak, there is nothing bleak about either the sunrises or the sunsets we’ve been witnessing this year. They have been nothing less than breathtaking!

Sunrise as viewed from the yard, Nov 2011

I just came in from the most amazing walk. Among the things that have happened over the past several months, I have managed to make my own health a priority again. That has included daily walks...and although with the onset of winter they aren’t happening every day right now, I am still managing the recommended three times per week.

Today was exceptional! Here it is, December 16^th, and we’re experiencing temperatures of only -2. Typically my walks are centered on doing circles around my driveway. It’s about 4.5 minutes per circle, and I aim for 45 minutes a day. But today, instead, I ventured south of the yard. The remarkable fall we’ve had has resulted in very little snow for this time of year. As a result, I was able to spend an hour walking back through the pasture and woodlands behind the house. The day was beautiful...sunny and mild. Last night we had just the lightest dusting of snow, and the sparkling reflection of the sun off of it was almost blinding.

I walked for an hour. With the snow being so fresh, I could see the tracks of the dozens of other creatures that share this quarter section of land with me. Some tracks I recognize, the deer, the rabbits. But lots I don’t. I thought of my Grandpa. He’d have known each and every one of them, just like he knew every tree, every wild flower, every bird. As I walked in the stillness of the winter day, I remembered his love of snowshoeing. Even into his 80s he would go out daily for the exercise, the fresh air, and most likely the time with nature that I was enjoying today. It’s funny how our people keep coming back to us at the strangest times. Especially those people who were such brilliant threads in the fabric of our lives. He was like that. The wisdom he shared, the lessons he taught, and the values he held all made you want to be a better person as part of his linage. What a treasure his memory still is.

My Grandpa, Allan James Dickson in his snowshoes (my Dad in the sleigh)
1933 in front of the Ladysmith School

As I walked today, I marveled at the silence. Except for the odd flock of birds whirring past in search of another source of food and the soft whistle of the warm wind, there was nothing. I did hear an eagle, although I didn’t see him, I recognized the call. I know there are several of them around. We’ve watched them feasting on the remains of the deer that didn’t survive hunting season, the ones that were wounded and left or butchered on the spot so the best cuts could be taken and the rest left behind. I know to everything there is a season, but those things just make me angry...and sad! I suppose it is that lack of responsibility on the part of the humans that allowed the eagles to eat for another period of time, so maybe its part of how the cycle is meant to go, I don’t know.

'Cecil's Eagle' photographed behind the cattle pens 4 years ago

For all the fresh tracks around, I half expected to see some sort of wildlife, but the crunching of the snow probably gave them lots of warning that I was coming. They were most likely watching me as I was watching for them! But even so, it was perfect! It allowed me to breathe deeply, centre myself and just be in the moment....what more can you ask of the place you call home.

The stillness of the escarpment in winter......

Till next time,
Lynda
www.musicwriter.ca

The 24th Annual Bridge School Benefit

It’s been almost five months since I sat down and dedicated the time necessary to update my journal. I don’t know where the time is going to. Every week, at the top of my list of things to do, I write “WRITE”…update blog, work on Shane’s story, pen some tunes…just write!! Somehow it’s been hard to get to, I don’t know why. But it’s time.


Last week I heard that Neil Young will receive the 2011 Allan Waters Humanitarian Award at the Juno Awards on March 27. I decided with that, that I need to dedicate this entry to our trip last October to Mountainview, California.


I’ve mentioned in other posting that at the time of my son Shane’s passing, we’d been saving for him to take a trip in his last year of high school to go to San Francisco to explore the Bridge School and to take in the Bridge School Benefit concert. I won’t repeat the details about the school, that I know I’ve written about before, but you can go to http://www.bridgeschool.org/ if you want to learn more. When he passed away, we turned the money he’d been saving into the “Shane Dickson Memorial Award” and carried on. But last October 15th, I was out doing my morning walk, and for some reason remembered the concert and that it must be happening soon. When I finished my walk, I went and checked, and sure enough it was to take place on October 23rd and 24th. My mind started ticking.


When Cecil came in later that day we talked it over and decided that we had the Airmiles to get us to San Francisco, and we both still really wanted to attend and support the cause in Shane’s memory, so we purchased two tickets online, and packed our bags!


It was a quick trip, only 4 days, because the decision was made very last minute. There were other commitments that needed to be considered, and promises that had been made, but 4 days was enough to get this off my own life’s bucket list.


We flew into San Francisco Friday morning, rented a car and headed to Santa Cruz, California. As always, we look to be close to the water when we vacation, and Santa Cruz seemed to be close enough to all we wanted to take in, while still putting us on the ocean’s doorstep. It was the perfect choice, as we spent Friday and Saturday taking in the Boardwalk with all it had to offer, the Annual Chili Cookoff, The Cold water Classic Surfing competition, and the treasures on the town’s pier. It was like we’d jammed a weeks’ worth of vacationing into those few hours.

Lighthouse veiw at Santa Cruz, California

Sunday morning we headed back to Mountainview, to the Shoreline Amphitheatre to pick up our tickets and enjoy the concert that had been a heart’s desire for so long. The weather didn’t look like it wanted to cooperate, but the show goes on rain or shine, so we’d come prepared for whatever happened. We learned a few things too! Like there’s no point running around town to buy lawn chairs, because if they’re over 10 inches off the ground, they can’t be used at the amphitheatre anyhow! So, sadly, our newly purchased chairs got left behind, but we were able to rent the proper ones right on sight. We’d arrived early, not sure about how things worked, but that naivety allowed us to get some excellent seating once we got through the gates and into the show!

When the concert started, I felt the tears well up in my eyes, and the familiar tightening in my chest that always accompanies events that my heart says should have happened with Shane rather than without him. This had been his trip, his adventure, but instead there we were. For a few moments emotions got the best of me, as I watched them bring out all the children who benefit from the school, and alumni who had attended in the past, including Neil and Pegi’s son Ben for whom they had created Bridge School for initially, back in 1987. As I looked skyward to try and still the flow of tears, and eagle soared overhead. I was reminded Shane wasn’t so far away after all.

The concert was nothing less than amazing! Merle Haggard was ill and unable to attend, but we did enjoy almost 8 hours of acoustic performances including Kris Kristofferson, Pearl Jam and other’s I myself had never heard of, but it was obvious many other attendees had! The Speaking Clock Review was incredible as Elton John and Leon Russell introduced their collaboration, but the highlight had to have been listening to Buffalo Springfield in their first public performance in 42 years! You wouldn’t think they had missed a night of playing together! It was powerful! It felt so surreal to be a part of it all, and the ‘once in a lifetime’ trip to attend has us now thinking…maybe we’ll do it again!

Of Course, my very favorite part!!!

The next day we had one day to spend in San Francisco before heading home. Our thought had been to take in Alcatraz when we were there..but believe it or not, by 10am on a Monday in October all tours for the day were already sold out! Where do the people come from I’d wondered! Unable to do that, we instead wandered along Fisherman’s Wharf, and enjoyed the local fair.

Sea Lions who have made their home on Fisherman's Wharf.

The day was going well, up until I got a call from a friend I’ve yet to meet, to tell me her son Owen had passed away. Owen had captured my heart the year before after seeing him on television. He was like a younger version of Shane…only with beautiful, wildly curly hair. Having the chance to someday meet him had also been on my list of things to one day do, but sadly that’s one that can’t happen. The call reminded me once again how quickly tides can turn, and how fragile life can be, and my heart ached for my friend, knowing too well the journey she was about to embark on. I still think of them both so often these days.

We did finish off our day in San Francisco however. The following morning, we headed back home, and twenty four hours later, it was like a dream! But oh what a dream it was! Who knows…the 25th Annual Bridge School Benefit Concert may be on this fall’s agenda yet!

till next time!

Lynda

www.musicwriter.ca