Over a week has gone by since Shane's passing. I still feel like I'm trapped in a bad dream that I can't get out of. I'd hoped that by now, hours passing would have started to numb the ache that continues to throb in my very core, but it hasn't. The floral tributes we've received have given me such beauty to sit and reminisce in, if only the ache would stop for a short while. We held his memorial on Sunday, and it was such a beautiful tribute to such a beautiful person. The people of the EMC church in MacGregor, opened their doors and hearts, and welcomed almost 500 family, friends and classmates who came to pay honor to Shane. What a tribute to the life he had, and the memories he left behind. The words of the service touched each of our hearts, as Shane's story was shared with us by not only the minister, but by his uncle, his teacher and his godmother, and through pictures that each held a thousand words.
The days since have been a very surreal blur of hours passing by without direction. I've spent 17 years of my life orchestrating every move I've made around ensuring that his needs were met first, and now that those needs aren't the focal point of my days...I'm not really sure what is. I started trying to do up some of the many Thank-yous that need to go our for the many kindnesses we've received over the past nine days. There have been so many things to be thankful for, at such a challenging time. We've been so well supported by friends and family with visits, calls, emails, cards, food and flowers. There have been donations made in Shane's honor to the charities we chose...The Children's Rehabilitation centre in Winnipeg, Sunshine Dreams for Kids, and The Variety club. It's overwhelming, and although we're so well supported, it still feels so unreal...
As I'd mentioned a few posts ago, we'd started fundraising for Shane to take a trip to California in the next year. We'd hoped that he'd be able to connect with Bridges School, the school established by Neil Young and his wife Peggy to support children like Shane who are unable to communicate verbally...there were wonderful plans in the making for that young man! We've decided to carry on with the fundraising, and use the money to set up a memorial award to be presented the graduate who best represents what it means to be inclusive and accepting of diversity. I think Shane would be proud to have the money spent that way....it's the people that he's touched that will be travelling the world and opening doors for others, now that he's no longer with us to do that. Maybe this will be a small way that we can help them to be able to do that.
We'd all but finished production of the new cd when all of this happened. Songs that I'd written to support others through their trials, ended up being played at the funeral to support me through my own. In the last weeks before Shane passed, I'd been working on a piece with the hopes that it could be used in some of the advocacy we do together. I've decided that that piece needs to be on the new cd, so until I have a chance to get it recorded and fine-tuned, I've decided to hold off on any further movement forward. There's also the little issue of my heart not being in things right now, and I don't know how long it's going to take for it to function properly again. It's all so strange.
One of the students that spent time with Shane at school started a Facebook page in his honor. I'd never taken time to do the facebook thing, but over the course of the past week, being able to peak into the group and read the thoughts and comments made about my beautiful son, has helped me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. The school also dedicated the Cabaret it presented this week to Shane's memory...such wonderful tributes to such a special young man! It's amazing how we draw from others to survive in our time of need...the cards, notes and posts have kept us from sinking below the surface of the pain we're treading in. It makes me hope I've offered that kind of comfort to others in their time of need...I hope I have, and I hope I'll get better at it, having been reminded of the importance of connections.
The writing helps too...being able to pour the pain out onto a written page seems to dull it somehow a little. I'd like to keep writing, but I know that there will be lots of time for that in the days ahead. For someone who never, ever seemed to have enough time...suddenly there seems to be so much of it.
I'd like to share the story of Shane with the world, but for now, I think I'll share the eulogy for Shane Dickson that my brother Micheal Dickson wrote and presented for him instead. He did a great job of capturing the life and the spirit that was Shane, and in the days ahead I'll do better...
It read as follows:
It seems strange how we all get up here and search for the words to express how we’re feeling.
Shane could express his feelings so easily and he was never able to speak a word in his life.
On behalf of the family I’d like to start by saying thank you to everyone for coming out today. I knew that Shane touched a lot of lives and I knew that so many special people touched Shane’s life. I guess this turnout today is a testament to that.
I’d also like to say a special thank to all the people who entered Shane’s life, through various avenues and inevitably became his friends. You see, Shane was very lucky. While his life was not without challenges and he had to endure more than his share...what he never had to tolerate were support workers, therapists, care aides, doctors, teachers, nurses and specialists. You see Shane just had this great group of friends...and some of those friends just happened to have very unique skill sets.
Shane also had a very special group of close friends. Friends like Trem, who’s known Shane since pre-school and someone I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for many years. Trem never saw a kid who couldn’t talk. He saw a friend who...if you asked the question right... gave him your undivided attention and concentrated really hard...could give you all the answers you needed. Oddly...the answer was usually “Ice Cream”....Or Victoria, who, even when she was very young, never saw a kid in a wheelchair. She saw “The smartest boy she knew, because he takes his chair with him everywhere and he never has to worry where he’s going to sit.”
17 years is not a long time...but if you put your mind to it, if you have a passion for living, a collection of the best friends in the world and a family determined to help you experience all that life has to offer...you might be surprised what you can accomplish.
Shane petted a dolphin and saw wild orca, he put his toes in both oceans...and laughed.
He rode on an airboat through the everglades of Florida with his family, on a sailboat through the Strait of Georgia with his Grandpa and on a Zodiac off the coast of Vancouver Island with pods of whales.
He rode horses, toboggans, snowmobiles, ATVs , water slides and roller coasters.
He put up with Mom’s singing, Cecil’s jokes, grandpa’s incessant doting and being force fed potatoes and gravy by grandma...and he just kept smiling.
He was a light in his Grandpa’s life through some very dark days...and after Grandpa passed away he gave the family a shoulder lean on and a hand to hold.
He played games and told stories with his eyes...touched hearts with his smile... lit up rooms with his laugh...and enriched lives with his spirit.
If I may, I’d like to direct this next part to Shane’s classmates. I’m not going to stand here and act like I know you. I’m not going to pretend that I understand what you’re going through. I don’t. We all deal with these things in our own way...but believe me when I say...I’ve walked in your shoes. You’re young. You’re just hitting your stride. Your whole life is ahead of you and you feel like you’re invincible. That’s good....that’s how it should be...that’s the beauty of youth.
When something like this happens, especially when it happens so suddenly, it can be a real shocker. It’s a bit of a wake-up call, a bit of a reality check. I hope that Shane’s passing doesn’t dampen the fire within you...I hope it fuels it. I hope it serves to show you how precious life is, how fragile. I think Shane knew that. I hope that you will take all that was great in Shane, his laugh, his love for life, his sense of adventure, any gifts that he may have given you and any lessons he may have taught you. I hope you will hold onto it, keep it inside you and carry it with you. If you do that, then you can celebrate Shane’s life everyday by making your life as full...and rich...and extraordinary as it can be. Shane would want that.
Always remember...It’s important to mourn someone’s passing...but it’s far more important to celebrate their life. If there’s one thing I could say in consolation...
it’s that....You made a difference. You touched a friend’s life and you made it better...and that’s a pretty special gift...thank you.
In closing I’ll just say that Shane will always be remembered, always be missed and always be loved.
And remember...in no matter what situation you find yourself in life...no matter how unfamiliar, or stressful....and no matter how inappropriate it might seem...the correct response is always...laugh.
Shane could express his feelings so easily and he was never able to speak a word in his life.
On behalf of the family I’d like to start by saying thank you to everyone for coming out today. I knew that Shane touched a lot of lives and I knew that so many special people touched Shane’s life. I guess this turnout today is a testament to that.
I’d also like to say a special thank to all the people who entered Shane’s life, through various avenues and inevitably became his friends. You see, Shane was very lucky. While his life was not without challenges and he had to endure more than his share...what he never had to tolerate were support workers, therapists, care aides, doctors, teachers, nurses and specialists. You see Shane just had this great group of friends...and some of those friends just happened to have very unique skill sets.
Shane also had a very special group of close friends. Friends like Trem, who’s known Shane since pre-school and someone I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for many years. Trem never saw a kid who couldn’t talk. He saw a friend who...if you asked the question right... gave him your undivided attention and concentrated really hard...could give you all the answers you needed. Oddly...the answer was usually “Ice Cream”....Or Victoria, who, even when she was very young, never saw a kid in a wheelchair. She saw “The smartest boy she knew, because he takes his chair with him everywhere and he never has to worry where he’s going to sit.”
17 years is not a long time...but if you put your mind to it, if you have a passion for living, a collection of the best friends in the world and a family determined to help you experience all that life has to offer...you might be surprised what you can accomplish.
Shane petted a dolphin and saw wild orca, he put his toes in both oceans...and laughed.
He rode on an airboat through the everglades of Florida with his family, on a sailboat through the Strait of Georgia with his Grandpa and on a Zodiac off the coast of Vancouver Island with pods of whales.
He rode horses, toboggans, snowmobiles, ATVs , water slides and roller coasters.
He put up with Mom’s singing, Cecil’s jokes, grandpa’s incessant doting and being force fed potatoes and gravy by grandma...and he just kept smiling.
He was a light in his Grandpa’s life through some very dark days...and after Grandpa passed away he gave the family a shoulder lean on and a hand to hold.
He played games and told stories with his eyes...touched hearts with his smile... lit up rooms with his laugh...and enriched lives with his spirit.
If I may, I’d like to direct this next part to Shane’s classmates. I’m not going to stand here and act like I know you. I’m not going to pretend that I understand what you’re going through. I don’t. We all deal with these things in our own way...but believe me when I say...I’ve walked in your shoes. You’re young. You’re just hitting your stride. Your whole life is ahead of you and you feel like you’re invincible. That’s good....that’s how it should be...that’s the beauty of youth.
When something like this happens, especially when it happens so suddenly, it can be a real shocker. It’s a bit of a wake-up call, a bit of a reality check. I hope that Shane’s passing doesn’t dampen the fire within you...I hope it fuels it. I hope it serves to show you how precious life is, how fragile. I think Shane knew that. I hope that you will take all that was great in Shane, his laugh, his love for life, his sense of adventure, any gifts that he may have given you and any lessons he may have taught you. I hope you will hold onto it, keep it inside you and carry it with you. If you do that, then you can celebrate Shane’s life everyday by making your life as full...and rich...and extraordinary as it can be. Shane would want that.
Always remember...It’s important to mourn someone’s passing...but it’s far more important to celebrate their life. If there’s one thing I could say in consolation...
it’s that....You made a difference. You touched a friend’s life and you made it better...and that’s a pretty special gift...thank you.
In closing I’ll just say that Shane will always be remembered, always be missed and always be loved.
And remember...in no matter what situation you find yourself in life...no matter how unfamiliar, or stressful....and no matter how inappropriate it might seem...the correct response is always...laugh.
Till next time,
Lynda
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